I am NOT a MarySue
by FaceChanger
Summary: Caroline is a typical girl. Or she was. But, when she flames a terrible writer she finds herself cursed. Suddenly, she wakes up in LotR and is stuck trying to keep from being a Mary Sue and to save the story from herself.
1. Somewhere Over the Rainbow

_This is dedicated to Oudemia who gave me the idea by saying "Now I want to see you as a Mary Sue." Well, here you go. Don't tell me I didn't warn you._

_I don't own Lord of the Rings. If I did, every Tenth member of the Fellowship would be hunted down and murdered. Brutally. I will leave that to the PPC however._

_I also do not own the color urple, or the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth. Those belong to Misscam, and if you have not read OFUM you should._

_This is a parody. Flames will be huggled._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One: Somewhere Over the Rainbow<strong>

A pre-teen girl grinned at the computer screen. Her brown, mousy hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and her thick glasses slipped down a little ways on her nose.

_The girl was the most beuatiful thing Legolas had ever seen. Her perfect hair golden was shone in the sunlgiht. Shelooked up from under her eyelashs demurely, seemingly embarrassed that he had come across her in such astate. Secretly though, she was pleased. After all what better was for the Elf-prince to see her natural beuaty than when she was bathing in teh stream?_

_Legolas tried nto to stare at her but it was nearly impossinle. Her beuaty surpased even that f Arwen's. Not tat he would ever thnk of his dear sister that way. "what is you're name fair lady?" Legolas said to the stramge gir, steping out of the tres averting his eyes. He bowed to her, "I am Legolas Greenleef, prince of the elves."_

"_My name is Sornif Lardit Nirnamil. Tell me, please, your highness, where am I? I don't remeber how it was I got to be here!" the girls voice was that of a songbird and of a waterfall combined. Legolas found himslef captivated by her eyes, a mix up pink and purple, so lovely that they almst hurt to look at. _

The girl grinned at her work, and uploaded it quickly to FF . net. Not everyone could write as well as she did, she thought proudly. She had only just seen the movies the other week, at the insistence of one of her friends. She had instantly fallen in lust with Legolas. And Aragorn. And Faramir. Naturally, Sornif Lardit Nirnamil would be getting together with them all. It was the only proper way to write a story. And, of course, Sornif would be perfect and be able to beat Sauron single handedly. It's just so much more fun when you don't have to go by the rules. After all, it is FANfiction, and that meant the fans had free reign. Right? Whatever. Such details like that and spelling and grammar were unimportant. It was her character that mattered.

Chapter three of Where am I? by Leggieluver123 was released on the fandom with the click of a virtual button, and Leggieluver123 leaned back in her chair happily, waiting for the positive reviews to flood in.

~O~O~

A long ways away from Leggieluver123 another fanfiction author, commonly known as Caroline, sat at her computer, munching on Doritos and jellybeans. She was browsing the Lord of the Rings fanfiction archive, annoyed by the fact that, despite the time that had passed since the release of the movies, the fandom had not become any saner. Well, a fandom can never be truly sane when there are slashers involved, she thought, amused, as she opened another Legolas/Gimli story in a new tab. But one would hope that people would eventually get tired of Mary-Sues and tenth walkers and Legomances. No such luck.

Refreshing the archive page in hope of something really interesting, a fresh story caught her eye. She laughed as she read the title and summary aloud. "Where am I? When Sornif Lardit Nirnamil," Caroline snorted at the very fake elvish name, Nirnamil was the only one that sounded even vaguely realistic, "When Sornif Lardit Nirnamil is dropped into Middleearth, she is rescued by legolas and broght to the Council fo Elrond where she has no choice but to join the fellowship in hopes of rescuing Bromir and others who die. Teh summary sucks, read neway plz!" Caroline grinned to herself. "Well, that's a Mary-Sue story if I ever saw one. Who exactly, I wonder, is Bromir?"

Having spent the past few weeks devoid of any good lulz (other than reading My Immortal a second time, that is) Caroline clicked on the blue link and was instantly transported to the world of horrible fanfiction. Still munching happily on the Doritos, she read the three chapters of the fic in a matter of minutes, stopping here and there to puzzle out words misspelled beyond recognition. By the time she got to the last "Review plz!" she had yet to discover why Sornif Lardit Nirnamil had appeared naked or why Sornif's eyes were urple. She wondered if the author had, in fact, read the Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth and was troll, or if it was just a happy coincidence. Deciding that a troll would have more spelling mistakes and would have been happier in the Harry Potter fandom, Caroline clicked on the review button and did something she had sworn never to do. She flamed.

_Let's start with your description of Sornif's urple eyes, shall we? Who has pink eyes? No one. Who has purple eyes? No one. So why, in Arda, would Sornif have a mixture of both? URPLE IS NOT A PRETTY COLOR! What, are you wondering what Arda is? Read the books, dearie. LEGOLAS IS NOT ARWEN'S BROTHER! Where did you even get that idea? Please, get spell check. I cannot even type that badly in Word unless I do it on purpose. Seriously. STOP WRITING UNTIL YOU LEARN TO USE ENGLISH CORRECTLY!_

As Caroline clicked the submit review button, she felt slightly guilty. After all, flames help no one. But, then again, this girl made Legolas Arwen's brother. Honestly, next they would be saying that Gimli and Arwen should be together. Caroline shuddered at the thought. In her opinion, the only person Gimli belonged with was Legolas. Occasionally an OC was acceptable, but it should be written well.

Sighing at the worlds apparent inability to use the English language correctly, Caroline closed the lid of her laptop. Setting it on the floor between her bed and the wall, she rolled over to go to sleep. The Doritos were gone, as were the jellybeans. It was past midnight and she had school the next day. Sleep was a good thing. She liked sleep.

~O~O~

Leggieluver123 glared at the flames angrily. How dare someone flame her? Her character was perfect! What in the world was Urple? And to suggest that she couldn't use the English language properly! All her friends always told her she was the best writer they knew of, though they all seemed to hurry of quickly after saying so... "Curse you, evil author person," she muttered angrily. "I hope your worst nightmare comes true!"

Still muttering angrily, Leggieluver123 threw her pillow across the room. She needed to talk to someone. She needed someone to assure her that her writing was, in fact, perfect. Rooting around in her bookbag for a minute she pulled out her cellphone. She pressed the four to call her only other friend who liked fanfiction, and coincidentally the one who made her watch the movies. The friend picked up on the fourth ring, having been reading a cringe worthy fic and contemplating flaming it. "Hi, it's me!" Leggieluver123's shrill voice grated on her friend's ears.

"Hi, I was just reading some stuff online, what do you need?" the friend held the phone between her cheek and her shoulder as she made to review the story.

"I just published a new chapter to my fic, Where am I?, and someone flamed it!" Leggieluver123 whined.

Her friend's fingers paused in the midst of their rapid typing, "You wrote that?"

"Yeah, have you read it? It's good isn't it? The flamer is a liar, right?"

The poor friend winced as she exited out of the scathing review she had been about to send Leggieluver123, and decided upon what she thought of as the lesser of two evils, "Yeah, I read it. It's good, but maybe you should get a beta."

"Ooh! Good idea! Would you do that for me?" Leggieluver123's voice was obviously excited and her friend, being a surprisingly nice person to be a friend of someone like Leggieluver123, winced again.

"Erm, you know, I'm not a very good Beta…" as the conversation continued, neither of them were any the wiser of the catastrophic effects of the curse that Leggieluver123 had unwittingly cast on the flamer.

~O~O~

Caroline woke up reluctantly. There was something wrong. Her face was wet. That wasn't good. And she was cold. Very cold. Where were her blankets? Opening her eyes she rolled over and bolted up. She was naked by a stream in the middle of a forest. She sat still, not moving, stiff with terror. The stream ran clear and cold behind her like no stream in modern day America would, at least, not anywhere near civilization. The trees towered farther above her head than she had ever seen. They were huge; they had to be hundreds of years old. Within the shadows she thought she saw a figure standing.

She scrambled to her feet as she heard a discreet cough. A blond man stepped out of the trees, averting his eyes. "What is your name, fair lady?" he asked softly, bowing low, "I am Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of the elves."

Caroline's now urple eyes widened, and she stepped away from the elf. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. She stumbled backwards (gracefully, of course) through the stream and caught a glimpse of her reflection, her normally golden blond hair was now more like platinum. Her eyes were an ugly urple. This was not her body. This was not her face.

She squeezed her eyes shut and did her best to hit her heels together, hoping to all powers above this was a dream. "There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!" She muttered to herself. She opened her eyes, praying that they would open to her ceiling at home. There was no change, only that Legolas had taken a step closer to her.

"My lady? Do you require assistance?" Her eyes widened again and she backed away again, refusing to believe that she was where she thought she was. This was impossible. There was no way. She was NOT a Mary-Sue. She couldn't be. She had no Sues left in existence! THERE WAS NO POSSIBLE WAY SHE WAS A MARY SUE!

There was only one problem, though: she was.


	2. The Black Hall of Doom

_Before we begin, the author has to come annoy you all briefly._

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you are all much loved._

_Also, thank you to Sewergator for betaing this chapter. It was very nice of you to do. Unfortunately, Sewergator is leaving today for a couple of weeks. Would anyone like to Beta in her stead for me?_

_As before: This is a Parody. Flames will be huggled. People who give me concrit will be very much loved (I like to know what I am doing wrong as well as what I am doing correctly)._

_I don't own Lord of the Rings; I am not worthy to even shake hands with the great Tolkien. Let's hope I don't cause to much spinning in the grave on his part. I do own Caroline and (though I will deny it) Sornif and Leggieluver123._

_Now, on with the show!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Two: The Black Hall of Doom<strong>

"My lady, do you require assistance?" Legolas asked, concerned. He took a step towards her, and Caroline backed up even further.

"Yes. Yes, I require assistance! Of course I require assistance, you idiotic airhead! Where am I? Why do I not have clothes? Why are my eyes freaking urple?" Caroline shouted at Legolas, tearing at her hair. She was at this point trying not to cry.

Legolas looked slightly put off but answered the one of her questions he could. "You are right outside of Rivendell, my lady. I am going there to attend a secret council called by King Elrond about the Enemy's ring."

Caroline looked at him in shock. That was idiotic, even for movie Legolas. If you are going to a secret council, you do not tell people that you are going! That is the point of it being secret! Besides, no one knew about the council yet! And who the frick was "King Elrond"? She had heard of no such person.

"My lady?" Legolas took another step towards Caroline as she put a hand on a tree as she tried to calm her swirling thoughts.

'All right, Caroline, breathe. Breathe,' Caroline commanded herself, trying to stop hyperventilating. 'It's probably not as bad as you think it is. You're probably only insane because of so much badfic. You've been expecting that for a while now. No need to panic. Now, let's see if you can't wake up from this-' Caroline's thoughts were cut off as she was wrenched jarringly from Sornif Lardit Nirnamil's body.

For a brief moment Caroline was standing outside of Sornif's body, watching as Sornif collapsed to the ground and Legolas dove forward to catch her. The next thing she knew she was being sucked through some sort of tunnel. The walls on either side of her pressed in tightly as she was pulled rapidly through. The darkness was complete and Caroline was momentarily glad that she was not afraid of the dark. As it was, the darkness terrified her anyway. It seemed strangely sinister.

As suddenly as it had begun, the motion stopped and Caroline was dropped on her feet. She staggered forward, not having expected to be dropped so suddenly, and, reaching out a hand, grabbed onto something to keep her balance with until the room stopped spinning. When everything finally came back into focus, Caroline was able to get a better look at what she had grabbed onto and gasped, stumbling backwards a few steps. Inside a glass box an elf stared at her questioningly. Looking around the room she saw the rest of the canon characters. Box after box of canon characters were lined up in uniform rows. A few she could identify. There was a hobbit that could be no one but Frodo: the haunted, haggard look to his features made it impossible for it to be anyone else. A dark haired man with a silver tipped horn at his side had to be Boromir. She thought she might even recognize some characters from the Silmarillion, including Maedhros. She tried not to drool when she saw him ('Bad Caroline! No lusting!'). At the right end of the row of prisons, the old man, clothed in white, would be Gandalf. If somehow even Mithrandir could be trapped, then whoever trapped them must be powerful indeed, Caroline realized to her horror. She dismissed the thought almost immediately, 'You're just insane, Caroline. Nothing more to it.'

Turning away from the glass prisons, Caroline took in the rest of the room for the first time. It seemed to be a throne room, made entirely out of what looked like black marble. Tall columns rose on either side of the vast room, each one with a torch mounted on it, illuminating to the room with a flickering light. Caroline got the distinct feeling that something unpleasant lurked in the shadows behind the columns. At the opposite end of the hall from the glass prisons, a thin girl with mousy brown hair sat in a large stone throne. The seat, back, and arms were padded with black velvet cushions and the girl was languidly sprawled across it.

Three servants appeared to be waiting on her. Caroline's eyes widened when she saw the servants. One was a faceless girl with long flowing black hair and proportions that should be anatomically impossible. An unfinished 'Sue it would seem. The second was a blond Orlando Bloom, much like the Legolas that had appeared before. He was looking at the girl with a sickening expression of mindless worship on his face as he filed her nails. Caroline tried very hard not to gag.

The third and final servant was by far the creepiest. It was Frodo, as portrayed by Elijah Wood, sitting at the girl's feet with a look of blind adoration. "You silly hobbit!" the girl was saying to him, "Of course you don't have to take that stupid ring to Mordor. Sornif will take care of that for you!"

"Oh, wise and beautiful Queen! How can I ever repay you?" Fake-Frodo gushed.

"Don't worry about repaying me!" the girl's grating laugh echoed through the marble room. "I do this only because I cannot bear to see innocents suffer!" A look of something more than adoration, more like worship, blossomed on Fake-Frodo's face. Caroline felt distinctly ill.

"What about _them_?" Caroline's voice was met by silence from the other four people, if the servants could actually be called people.

"What about who, dear?" the girl on the throne stood up slowly, and her servants withdrew into the shadows. Caroline's hands twitched, filled with a sudden longing to strangle the girl for calling her dear. The girl couldn't be older than Caroline; she was probably younger, in fact.

"What about _them_!" Caroline made a wide, sweeping gesture that encompassed the entire back of the room and long rows of prisons. "You say that you do not like seeing innocents suffer, yet you have so many innocents imprisoned directly across from you!" Caroline glared at the girl angrily. 'Well, mostly innocent,' she mentally amended, but she doubted the girl knew anything about the Silmarillion or even the finer points of most of the events of The Lord of the Rings.

"They appeared after I created this place and they were hardly innocent," Caroline raised her eyebrows at that, "They all annoyed me," Caroline snorted, "So I imprisoned them since I couldn't make them go away entirely."

"The power of Tolkien is stronger than thee," Caroline muttered.

The girl either ignored her or didn't hear. "Now the hall can belong only to me and the characters I like," the girl grinned triumphantly.

"They _are_ the characters you like!" Caroline answered incredulously, "That one," she gestured to the hobbit she had noticed before, "is Frodo. That," she gestured to the dark haired man with the horn, "is Boromir. That-" the girl cut Caroline off.

"I don't like Boromir! He's, like, all sexist and he tried to take the ring from Frodo. He's evil," Caroline winced at the lack of capitalization of the Ring. How she could tell it wasn't capitalized she wasn't quite sure, but it was glaringly obvious nevertheless.

"He most definitely isn't evil! He is described as having a 'lordly but kindly manner'. He dies trying to protect Merry and Pippin. The only reason he wants the Ring is so that he can protect his people! He is a warrior first and for most. Perhaps he isn't as wise as some others in the Fellowship; he wasn't raised to fear the Ring as so many others were! He wasn't a hobbit who have a natural resistance to the Ring (a result of having pretty much no evil in their nature, no doubt), and he wasn't a Númenórean who was raised by elves! Nor was he an elf or a dwarf. He was a mortal man with mortal faults and wanted to protect his people. Being a mortal man hardly counts as being evil!" Caroline exploded. No one told her Boromir was evil; it was like saying that Sam hated Frodo. It just didn't happen.

"Doesn't matter, though," the girl shrugged. "They aren't the Lord of the Ring's characters. Everyone knows that the, like, um, Lord of the Rings characters speak in, like, English. These people were speaking in some weird language that, like, I didn't recognize," the girl's face wrinkled in disgust and Caroline's eye twitched.

Caroline ran her hands through her hair exasperated. "Heaven help us!" She was pleased to notice her hair had returned to its normal slightly oily golden blond state. "You idiotic, little-"

"I would not say such things if I were you!" the girl's obnoxious voice rang through the hall with authority. As annoying as the girl was, she was still mistress of this hall and could show her authority when she wanted to.

Caroline, still convinced she was hallucinating, didn't particularly care about the girl's authority. "And why not? I am tired, I am confused, I am most likely insane, and I have heard a lovely canon blasphemed beyond recognition. Excuse me for being a bit irritable."

"I control your fate," the statement halted Caroline in her tracks. Her eyebrows shot up to meet her hairline.

"What?" The incredulous look on Caroline's face was something of a sight to see.

The girl laughed again, a sound nearly as painful as nails on a chalkboard. Not that Caroline was one to talk: her own laugh sounded like a donkey's bray. However, the girl was obviously going for "tinkling bells" and was failing quite spectacularly. "Don't you realize who you're talking to?" she asked imperiously.

"Um, nope."

The girl drew herself up to her full (but not that considerable) height. "I am Leggieluver123. I am the reason you were in Sornif's body. I am the reason you cannot go home," she smiled smugly as she saw Caroline's look of horror, sure she had frightened Caroline into respecting her.

"You're... You're... a Suethor!" Caroline backed away a pace in disgust. Glancing behind her to make sure she didn't run into anything, she could swear she saw a couple of the canon characters snickering. She smirked at them before turning back to Leggieluver.

Leggieluver123's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Sornif Lardit Nirnamil, like, is not a Mary Sue, despite what you might say."

"Could've fooled me…" Caroline's internal monologue supplied quietly.

"Because you were foolish enough to flame me, you have been cursed. That is why you were sent to Middle-earth in Sornif's body," the expression on Leggieluver's face was grave. Caroline's expression clearly said she still thought she was hallucinating. "But, you have a choice! You can either continue to live in Sornif's body until the story is complete, or you can dwell here as one of my servants until I release you. It is your choice."

"What kind of choice is that?" Caroline, for the first time, was showing some emotion other than flippancy or anger at blatant canon rape. She was still angry, and, to be honest, she was a little bit scared.

Leggieluver looked annoyingly smug. "It is the kind of choice I am giving you. You have half an hour to decide," Leggieluver turned and walked towards a door that had appeared in the wall, "It starts once I leave the room."

As Leggieluver was opening the door, her servants trailing behind her, Caroline called out to her, "Let the canon characters go!"

Leggieluver turned around, eyebrows raised. "Why would I, like, do that?"

Caroline shifted nervously. "Just for the time being, while I make my decision."

"Fine, it's not like you'll be able to understand them anyway," turning back to the door, Leggieluver snapped her fingers and the glass boxes disappeared as Leggieluver left. More than one canon character had been leaning against the wall of their box and had to quickly try to regain their balance as the glass disappeared. One fat dwarf, Caroline guessed it was Bombur, had been sleeping against the wall and actually fell over onto the floor. A couple of other dwarves sniggered, even as they went over to make sure he was okay.

Turning away from the door completely, Caroline addressed them all, "So, you are the real canon characters. You wouldn't by any chance actually speak English, would you? I thought I saw you snickering at my Suethor comment before."

One of the female elves laughed (see? Now _that_ was how you do a tinkling laugh) and answered for everyone else,"Of course, we speak English. We have been around long enough to learn it by now. That girl likes to keep us locked up for some reason, though."

"Where is this place, anyway?" Caroline asked, curious, looking around the hall again. This time she was answered by the man she had identified as Boromir.

"It is a place where we have been trapped. By what, we don't know. But again and again we find ourselves ripped out of our quest and replaced by mindless, blithering idiots," his voice was bitter.

"So this is where the Canon characters go when they aren't being properly written?" Caroline asked, slightly in awe.

"Yes. Lately it is extremely rare that we are ever anywhere but here. Various girls have sat on that throne. It's disgusting to watch how they make mockeries of us and have our warped selves fawn over them."

Caroline wrinkled her nose. "Stupid Suethors, ruining everything. But they can't be making all of you OOC. The Suethors have never heard of some of you! Like, Maedhros, what are you doing here?"

Maedhros smirked, "Bad slash."

A look of realization appeared on Caroline's face. "Of course. It's not just Suethors, is it?"

This time it was Gandalf that answered. He shook his head."No, it's any author who does not have respect for the characters. Unfortunately, that means most of them."

Caroline grimaced. "That's… that's just horrible. There is a reason FF .net is called the Pit I suppose… However, as sympathetic as I am to all of you, and trust me, I am (I promise to write a well-characterized fanfic when I get home, in fact) but I have problems of my own right now. Can you guys help me at all?"

Gandalf nodded. "Let's all sit down, this might take some time to explain. You might even be able to help us."

Caroline raised her eyebrows at this and grinned. "That sounds promising."

Gandalf gave a smiled back. "Indeed. Let's sit." Obediently, everyone sat down. Gandalf began to talk, explaining all the details of exactly what Caroline should do. Caroline began to seriously wish for a notepad as she struggled to remember everything.

~O~O~

Half an hour later, Leggieluver123 had returned to her throne, the canon characters were returned (rather unhappily, I might add) to their boxes, and Caroline had made a decision.

Standing in front of Leggieluver123, Caroline hoped that Gandalf was right and that this plan would work. It would mean she would be able to get home. Hopefully. Attempting to swallow her fear, Caroline choked as she began speaking. When she regained her breath, she began again.

"I have made my decision. I will return to Middle-earth and live out the story of Sornif Lardit Nirnamil. I have conditions though," Leggieluver123 raised an eyebrow at this and Caroline plowed ahead, "I will be able to use my real name, and I will have my real looks back. Otherwise, I will not do the things that Sornif does, and if I am sent into the story I will have Sornif commit suicide."

Leggieluver123 looked vaguely horrified at the thought of her character being permanently killed, and hesitated. Finally she replied to Caroline, "You will be able to use your real name. Sornif's looks will remain."

Caroline grimaced but accepted. That response had been expected and accounted for, at least, so Gandalf had told her.

"All right then, go, follow the plotline," Leggieluver123 waved a hand in a vague motion and a portal appeared. As she stepped through the portal, Caroline gave the one finger salute to Leggieluver123 as a parting gesture.

~O~O~

Leggieluver123 woke up to the sound of obnoxious pop music playing from her iPod. She could just remember the end of a rather strange dream. It had involved that flamer from the other day, and a huge marble room.

Shrugging, Leggieluver stood up and stretched. She had a sudden urge to type out the rest of the story as quickly as she could. Firing up her computer, she let all memory of the dream slip away, and continued to write her story, blissfully unaware once more of the flamer's fate.


	3. Justin Bieber Songs are not for Elves

_Oh. My. Goodness. Another chapter on time! It is a miracle! And not only is it on time, it's early! Actually, there is a rather good reason for it. I figured if I waited until tomorrow, I would be too busy wearing my feet out walking around the various museums in D.C. to actually post the chapter, therefore, you get an early chapter._

_Thank you to L. M. Frick for Betaing. 'Twas much appreciated. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I love you all._

_One more thing, I am going to go back and edit chapter one. Those edits should be up by later tonight and probably won't be that major, but I thought I should let you people know._

_ON WITH THE STORY!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Three: Justin Bieber Songs are not for Elves<strong>

Caroline opened her eyes slowly. She hoped, though at this point she guessed it was futile, that she would wake up and it would all be a dream. She hoped that in a moment her mom would come in to yell at her to get moving. But, of course, these were pointless hopes, and she opened her eyes to the concerned face of a blond Orlando Bloom.

Caroline was fully aware that several thousand girls would kill to be in her shoes. She was aware that even a few sane(r) girls would kill to be in her shoes. She didn't really care. As it was, she would kill to be out of them. Preferably the murder victim would be Leggieluver123, but anyone who got in her way might be in imminent danger. So, because of this mindset, it was perfectly understandable when she scrambled to the other side of the bed and shouted, "Creeper! What are you doing here? Where am I? Oh shit, I'm back in this body! Ergh! I have the urple eyes of doom! Why? Why does the world hate me so? Oh, right. I'm insane. That isn't very comforting. Dammit! Why? I mean, of all conceivable things to happen, falling into Middle-earth - let alone a perverted fanfiction Middle-earth - is not one of the- oh! Look! I'm wearing clothes!" Caroline broke off mid-rant to regard the nightgown she was now in. The embroidered, warm, white material was unlike anything she had ever worn for pajamas on earth; she preferred the t-shirt /PJ pants combo. She wrapped her arms around herself and grinned. "Soft!"

Movie!Legolas was still sitting on a chair next to the bed, looking at her concernedly. "My lady?" he finally ventured (Caroline was unsure as to whether they would actually address people like that on Middle-earth. She guessed they might, but not for the reasons Leggieluver had in mind. Sornif was apparently King Elrond's long lost daughter), "You collapsed in the clearing where I found you. I, uh, apologize for coming across you when you were in a rather compromising position." He looked uncomfortable and, seeing her murderous expression, hastened to add, "Elvish honor prevents me from doing anything to you though, so don't worry."

Caroline fell back with a groan, pulling an off-white pillow over her face. "How can she get it so freaking wrong?" she wondered aloud, though because of the pillow it came out muffled. Removing the pillow from her face she turned her head to face Movie-Legolas who was looking at her curiously. "What? I'm allowed to have my hissy fit if I want to."

Legolas just looked confused. "My lady, I asked you before you collapsed, and you never gave me an answer. What is your name?"

"Err…" Caroline hesitated. She knew she could use her real name, but she wondered if that wouldn't attract more attention than if she used Sornif's name. After all, Sornif's name was accepted in the fic. Caroline might not be. Oh, hell with it. "My name is Caroline. I'm from a different world. Have fun rationalizing that one."

"Oh! Of course! You must be my long lost sister, princess of Rivendell!" The look on Legolas' face was like a kid coming downstairs on Christmas morning and seeing a pile of presents all addressed to him.

Caroline felt like she was kicking a puppy as she answered slowly, "No, Elrond has only one daughter. Her name is Arwen. You are not her brother. You are prince of Mirkwood. Your father is Thranduil. Besides, you said before you were answering Elrond's summons."

Legolas' expression turned pained and angsty. "Well, yes. My biological father was Thranduil, but he was evil and beat me. Elrohir and Elladan helped me escape his clutches not long ago. Elrond now counts me as one of his sons. I was out hunting when the summons came. I was returning to Rivendell to answer them."

Caroline opened and closed her mouth a couple times, looking remarkably like a fish. "Legolas. Your father was a good and noble man. Admittedly, he had a weakness for shiny things, but so does everyone on Middle-earth. He did not beat you. He was not evil. You should not, by rights, even know the word biological. What happened to you, you poor soul?"

"I understand that you may not realize that such horrors can happen, Caroline," Legolas began sympathetically, "But I assure you, my father is not a good person. Once he-"

Caroline clamped her hands over her ears childishly. "Out! Out, now! Get out, get out, get out! Do not want! Get out! Send someone in to get me proper clothes or whatever, but you, out. Now!"

Legolas looked rather taken aback as he got to his feet. Stiffly, he turned and walked out of the room. Caroline smirked to herself. Perhaps she had made a little progress on that front.

~O~O~

An elf woman entered the room hesitantly. "Lady Caroline?" she asked, cautiously. Caroline rolled out of bed lazily.

"Yep, that's me."

"I was sent by Prince Legolas to be your personal servant for however long you remain here in Rivendell," the elf said, curtseying.

Caroline's eyes narrowed for the briefest of moments, before she answered, "I need no personal servant. I can take care of myself perfectly well. I do, however, desire a friend. Will you be that?"

The woman looked nervous, and again hesitated before answering, "Yes, I can be that. But you can't tell Lady Arwen, she does not approve of servants getting above their stations." Once again, Caroline's eyes narrowed. Of course Leggieluver would screw with Arwen's character. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl.

"I don't suppose you know where I could get some proper clothing, do you?" Caroline asked her newfound friend. "Oh, and of course, what is your name?"

The woman smiled softly, nervously. "Merenil. My name is Merenil. And I have brought a dress for you, Lady Caroline. Would you like me to help you get dressed?"

Caroline's face had registered in surprise at what she recognized was a genuine elvish name. At least, she thought it was. It was a name she had seen when looking for a good name in one of her fics. Merenil must have begun as a bit character, and since she hadn't had a name in the fic had been given an actual name. Interesting.

"We are friends now, Merenil. There is no need to call me Lady. Caroline will do just fine. As for the dress…" Caroline made a face somewhere between a grimace and a smile. "I would say that I can take care of it myself, but I don't rightly know how to. The clothing we wear where I come from is much less complicated."

Merenil laughed daintily. "Right, I had forgotten! You are King Elrond's lost daughter, are you not?"

"No, I'm not," Caroline replied fiercely. Merenil looked nervous and took a step backwards. Caroline let her features relax from the intense scowl, and tried to look reassuringly at the dark haired elf. "Sorry, I've just been told this so many times when I know it is not true. I am not Elrond's long lost daughter. Elrond only has one daughter."

Merenil adopted the condescending expression that Legolas had used earlier. "I know that you don't think this is so, but I promise you it is. King Elrond put you into the world you grew up in when you were a child to protect you from harm because you were far too powerful to remain in-"

"You know what?" Caroline cut Merenil off, "I don't want to know. Can you just help me get into the dress?"

Merenil nodded and pulled a lovely dress out from the bag she had been carrying. It was neatly folded up and when she grasped it by the shoulders and let it fall out, the material rustled quietly. Caroline eyed it with distrust. She didn't like dresses.

Nevertheless, she couldn't deny it was beautiful. The material was forest green, and looked to be some sort of silky fabric. The embroidery around the neckline was of golden flowers in full bloom. The sleeves were long and full, and the skirt reached the ground.

With Merenil's aid Caroline managed to get into the dress with little mishap. While Merenil began to lace up the back of the dress, the silence grew to be uncomfortable. "Will you sing a song?" Caroline asked suddenly. Elves liked to sing, right? As long as she was in Middle-earth she might as well get a chance to actually hear real elvish singing.

Merenil's fingers paused their rapid movement, and she seemed to be thinking for a moment before beginning.

_See I never thought that I could walk through fire.  
>I never thought that I could take the burn.<br>I never had the strength to take it higher,  
>Until I reached the point of no return.<em>

_And there's just no turning back,  
>When your hearts under attack,<br>Gonna give everything I have,  
>It's my destiny.<em>

_I will never say-_

Merenil's (admittedly beautiful) voice was cut off by an indignant shout from Caroline. "No! No, no, no! You are not supposed to sing Justin Bieber!" the last statement had almost a pleading quality. "Anything, anything from Middle-earth. Don't you know anything else? The song of Beren and Luthien? Anything."

Merenil paused again, and her expression turned to worry. "I- I don't remember…" her voice turned panicked. "I can't remember! How can I not remember that? It is one of my favorites! What is happening?"

Caroline smiled sadly, turning to face Merenil. "I only know the first few lines, but perhaps it will be enough to help you remember?" Merenil nodded slowly. Caroline noted that Merenil's features had gained even greater beauty than they had had before. Slowly, Caroline began to recite, "The leaves were long, the grass was green,/The hemlock-umbels tall and fair,/And in the glade a light was seen/Of stars in shadow shimmering."

A look of wonder appeared on Merenil's face and shakily she took up the chant, adding to it a simple but haunting tune with her lovely, lilting voice:

_Tinuviel was dancing there  
>To music of a pipe unseen,<br>And light of stars was in her hair,  
>And in her raiment glimmering.<em>

_There Beren came from mountains cold.  
>And lost he wandered under leaves,<br>And where the Elven-river rolled  
>He walked alone and sorrowing.<br>He peered between the hemlock-leaves  
>And saw in wonder flowers of gold<br>Upon her mantle and her sleeves,  
>And her hair like shadow following.<em>

_Enchantment healed his weary feet  
>That over hills were doomed to roam;<br>And forth he hastened, strong and fleet,  
>And grasped at moonbeams glistening.<br>Through woven woods in Elvenhome  
>She lightly fled on dancing feet,<br>And left him lonely still to roam  
>In the silent forest listening.<em>

The song continued as Merenil finished lacing up the back of Caroline's dress, and both stood unmoving until the song finished, having both become lost in the tale. It seemed to both that an almost imperceptible change had come across the room, and indeed the very atmosphere of the place. If Caroline had been pressed to say, she would have said it felt more elvish all of a sudden.

Once again Caroline turned to face Merenil. "Were you… were you the girl in the hall? The girl who was given the choice?" Merenil asked haltingly. Caroline nodded. "Mithrandir told you to make us ourselves again." Merenil seemed to be talking to herself more than to Caroline.

Again, Caroline nodded. "I think the only reason you were so easy to bring back was because you were unimportant in Leggieluver's story. You were already mostly canon. I just had to remind you with the song."

This time Merenil nodded. "That was a very good idea on your part," she complimented, smiling slightly.

"That was always one of my favorites," Caroline said a bit shyly, "Besides, it's not like I have a choice. Gandalf said that, once enough of the canon is back in place, I'll be rejected and return home. It's pretty much the only choice I have that I'm willing to take."

"What are your other choices?"

"Ruin everything. To live as Sornif and to join the Fellowship when that happens and to ruin absolutely everything," Caroline answered bitterly. "Why can't they leave it alone? Don't they realize that if they change a single thing they throw the entire story off?"

Merenil smiled sadly. "Can you say honestly you never wished to be here? Hearing the ancient stories as a child I always used to wish I could have been there. I felt I could have changed things for the better. I would have warned to Valar of Morgoth and Ungoliant's coming or something."

"Of course I wished I could be there!" Caroline laughed scornfully, though the scorn was directed at herself. "I wished I could change it so that things that come to pass do not happen the way they do. But I do not wish it any longer. I prefer it the original way."

Merenil's smile broadened. "Good, then you are wise. I remember what happens only vaguely, but the fate of the world has already been foretold for you and it is best to let it play out as it will. Come now, though. Let us go meet with that Legolas Thranduilion. We cannot tarry all day."

Caroline nodded her head in agreement. "Yes, we should go. Alright." Following Merelin, she left the room, but not before she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. To her delight, her eyes were brown.


	4. Curse the Suethors

**Chapter Four: Curse the Suethors**

Legolas was not a stalker. Therefore, he had not been eavesdropping on the conversation between Caroline and Merenil. So, he didn't hear the Song of Beren and Luthien, and he was not returned to normal. All this just added to Caroline's annoyance as she came out of her room to find the hallway empty. It had to be the first time she wished someone had been eavesdropping on her conversation. The things desperation does to you.

As confident as she had tried to appear to Merenil about the whole thing, Caroline was terrified. She had some ideas of how to get some characters back to canon (Gandalf had been kind enough to detail some of it. For example, Elrond should be very easy, if a bit painful) but for most of the characters she had absolutely no idea (stupid time limits). But such problems were best kept to herself, and she would just have to improvise. She figured "Brave Sir Robin" might deal with a couple of the characters, specifically Boromir, but it might not work more than once. She was unsure what would happen with some of the less lusted after characters, like Gimli, and this worried her. She preferred to have some idea of what was going on.

She was shaken out of her thoughts as they came to Legolas, who had been waiting just around the corner for them. He made a sweeping bow to Caroline and took her free hand; her other hand was holding onto Merenil's for dear life. "Sister, you look beautifuler than I have ever seen you."

"Yes, because you've seen me so often and beautifuler is a word," Caroline muttered, sotto voce.

"That dress makes you look amazing. Your hair is like the spun gold in Rumpelstiltskin." Caroline growled at the comparison; Legolas shouldn't have even heard of that story (although she would grudgingly admit that of all fairy tales, it was possible that that one had carried over. Tolkien had, after all, been influenced by Germanic fairy tales). "Your skin is like fresh snow and your eyes are like…" Legolas trailed of as he caught sight of her eyes. "Dear sister! Your eyes are no longer their beautiful color! They're plain brown! It is so ugly! We need to find a way to return them to normal!"

"This is normal, you author-controlled airhead. My eyes are indeed brown and so they shall stay as long as I can help it," Caroline snapped at Legolas. She was well aware that her moods seemed to be shifting rather quickly, but Legolas annoyed her. Why was he always made a pansy? Why couldn't he be the misogynistic bastard for once? That at least would be interesting.

"I'm sorry, Sister. I didn't mean to be mean to you! You're still really pretty!"

Caroline took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose,exasperated. This was painful. Honestly painful. Legolas would not be so informal. Come to think of it, he had been more formal earlier, before her conversation with Merenil. What had changed? Whatever it was, she hoped it wouldn't last.

Little did Caroline realize that, at this exact moment, Leggieluver123 was uploading the next few chapters of her story. They were just as bad as the first few, so there is really no reason to go into them. It is just too brain-breakingly awful.

"Legolas," Caroline said slowly, trying to restrain her rising temper, "I am not pretty. I look like an idiot. Even if I was pretty, you would not call me pretty, you would call me beautiful. Do you know why? Because you are an elf. Elves do not speak like twelve year old girls." It was about here that she lost the battle against her annoyance, and continued with increasing anger. "Trust me. I have been a twelve year old girl, and you don't want to talk like one. If I was held to all the stupid things I have said I would be the most racist, homophobic, idiotic, stereotyping girl you would ever meet. Luckily, I am not. Nevertheless, I never want to sound like an idiotic twelve year old girl again. If you are going to sound like a twelve year old girl, you should at least sound like my friend Olivia. She's eleven and she sounds more intelligent than you. You are a prince, Legolas. Act like one! You are such a pansy! I bet you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with that bow of yours. You couldn't hit it if you were inside! And of course, it isn't your fault. It's the damn Suethors. They don't realize that your grandfather, if foolish, was very brave and fought against Sauron. Eru, but that was sad that all those elves died. You don't even remember that that happened do you? You aren't even you! You're an empty shell of a character! You are nothing! You-" Merenil touched Caroline lightly on the arm and Caroline abruptly stopped her rant.

In front of them stood a dark-haired elf who was dressed in greens and browns. Rather than the boots that Movie!Legolas had on, this elf had on light slipper-like shoes. His gray eyes glinted intelligently. "Legolas Thrandulion?" Caroline ventured hesitantly.

"Who are you?" He asked, looking at her suspiciously. "I have seen your kind before. How dare you come to a place protected by Lord Elrond Peredhil?"

Caroline held her hands up in the universal symbol of surrender. "No, no! I'm not a Sue! I promise! Remember in the black hall? I was the girl faced with the choice, the girl Mithrandir spoke to. I'm just trying to get home! Besides, I don't lust after _you_ anyway…" The last sentence she muttered to herself, but Legolas's elven hearing picked it up anyway.

"You don't desire to make a puppet of me to do your bidding? That is what your kind do. You are worse than orcs," he spat the last word with disgust.

"Yes, that is what Sues do. But, as I said, I'm not a Sue. I was the girl in the hall, the blond one, Caroline. I made the 'Suethor' comment and argued on behalf of Boromir and promised to write a well characterized fanfic when I got home. Remember?" Caroline bit her lip and looked at him hopefully.

"She speaks the truth, Lord," Merenil put in helpfully.

Slowly Legolas's wary expression relaxed as he saw that Merenil's eyes were clear of a Suethor's spell. He nodded slowly, "Yes, I remember. Are you truly her? You look nothing like yourself. But, no, I remember. You were cursed. You had to live as Leggieluver's character, did you not?"

Caroline nodded. "Such is the nature of my curse. I am forced to live in this horrid body and live as-" she broke off abruptly. "What's happening? Legolas!" She cried in alarm. As she watched, Legolas's hair was fading back to blond. The shape of his face was shifting, and his clothes were changing. Overall, it was a very disturbing process to watch.

Within a matter of seconds, Canon!Legolas had disappeared to be replaced by Movie!Legolas. Caroline let out a stream of curses that would have embarrassed a sailor. Her time on the internet had not been ill-spent. Merenil muttered a quick apology to a confused looking Legolas and dragged Caroline away down the hallway and around another corner.

"What was that?" Caroline exploded as soon as they were alone. "He was canon! You saw as much as I! He was completely and totally canon! He was wary, he remembered the hall, and he was actually holding an intelligent conversation!" She ticked off the points on her fingers, angrily. "But then he turned back! What happened? Why is there once again a blond Orlando Bloom back that way?"

Merenil looked at Caroline sympathetically. "I know no more than you. Perhaps the influence of the Suethor is too strong on him? It may be that he will not fully return to himself until you turn the rest of the world back to as it should be."

Caroline groaned and leaned her head against the wall. "Why does the world hate me so much?" she wondered aloud.

Merenil patted her back comfortingly. "The world does not hate you. The world would like to help you, no doubt. But the author's presence is strong. The world cannot fight it off alone."

"So it's up to me, then, to turn the world back to how it should be? Do you realize what a huge task that is?" Caroline pushed away from the wall and turned to face Merenil. Merenil was startled by just how small and scared Caroline looked. "I don't think you understand, Merenil. It isn't just the elves I have to turn back to normal. It is everything. It is a very real possibility that I will have to face Sauron himself and turn him back to normal. I don't know the ending to this particular story, but I know the type. If my gut feeling is right, I may be in more peril than the Ring-bearer himself before the end. And I don't have a Sam to rescue me and help me. I'm alone."

Merenil tugged at Caroline's hands and held them gently in her own. Looking seriously into Caroline's eyes, she said, "You are not alone Caroline. I will help you for as long as I can."

Caroline smiled a little. "You are a wonderful friend, Merenil. Not many people would pledge to help someone only a few minutes after meeting them," she said gratefully.

Merenil grinned back. "Well, I'm not many people. Come on," she said to Caroline. "We might as well turn _someone_ back to normal today. Who shall we go find?"

Caroline looked thoughtful for a minute before responding, "Take me to where there are sure to be a lot of elves. We can begin there and you can point people- I mean, elves - out to me."

Merenil nodded sharply, then, still gripping one of Caroline's hands, pulled her off down the corridor.

~O~O~

An hour later, Merenil and Caroline had found their way to the Music Hall. Technically, it wasn't called so in canon, but Caroline had always referred to it as such, since it had no real name that she knew of. It had taken a little while to actually find it, as Rivendell had, at some point, been described as a castle, and therefore even Merenil was lost. It, of course, did not help that the Music Hall had never been explicitly mentioned in the fic. Finally though, they found it, and settled down to listen in a corner. Well, they settled down until Caroline started muttering about how, as much as she liked Mozart, Elves should not be playing and singing things from Don Giovanni. At this point, Merenil decided to distract Caroline by pointing out various elves.

The elf playing the violin (Yes, you read right. _Violin_. Caroline was confused/annoyed as well) was Lindir. The elf currently singing was Erestor, Elrond's chief counselor. The small figure sleeping in the corner was Bilbo Baggins. Caroline felt a warm smile steal over her face at the sight of Bilbo. He looked perfectly canonical, sleeping as he was. A flutter of hope arose in her chest at the thought of him unchanged by the author. She really hoped so. Bilbo had been one of her imaginary friends as a child, geeky as it might sound. The thought of him unchanged made Caroline feel all warm and fuzzy inside (and no, she did not care that was a horrible cliché, thank you very much). Of course, her bliss was ruined instantly by the next elf that Merenil pointed out.

"_That_ is Glorfindel?" Caroline asked incredulously. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the elf in question.

Merenil nodded, equally disgusted. "He looks nothing like the real Glorfindel, but somehow I know who he is." Caroline pursed her lips as she took in the sight she was seeing. Sprawled across a bench, an elf was slobbering drunk. He had black hair which was tangled and fell across his face. It looked rather greasy and disgusting. Three empty bottles of wine were on the floor next to him; more could be seen underneath the table next to him. This, of course, begged the question, what were tables doing in the Music Hall in the first place? Caroline distinctly remembered the book explicitly saying that there were no tables in the room. Nevertheless, it was a small detail when compared with the current state of the elf.

Many things could annoy Caroline (or break her brain) when it came to Lord of the Ring's fanfiction: Sues, fake elvish, Boromir's transformation into a sexist pig, abuse of the common comma, horrible spelling, Legomances, second daughters of Elrond, failure to acknowledge the existence of Celebrían, ad infinitum. But there were very few things that could actually make her angry about it. She hated it when people screwed with Sam's character. She hated it when people screwed with Maedhros's character. And she hated it when people screwed with Glorfindel's character. She had counted on having to deal with a screwed-with Sam. She had known that the likelihood of an appearance by Maedhros was next to none (this thought had saddened her, until she realized he would have been mutilated beyond recognition). She had not, in her wildest dreams expected this mutilation of Glorfindel's character. In fact, she had rather hoped he would have been forgotten about and left alone. No such luck.

Angrily, Caroline stood up and stalked over to Glorfindel, leaving Merenil behind. No one messed with her lust objects. The moment she got out of this damn thing, she was going to make Leggieluver123 pay. Oh, sweet revenge…

She plucked the empty bottle out from Glorfindel's hand and poked him until he stirred awake. He moaned and sat up slowly, squinting at her groggily. Inside, Caroline was planning a rather gruesome death for Leggieluver123. On the outside, she grinned her best Cheshire cat grin at him and adopted a rather fake British accent. "'Ello, Glorfy."

* * *

><p><em>Hi. Yes, I am doing an author's note at the end. Sorry... I just wanted to quickly explain (before I get yelled at) why my version of Legolas isn't blond. The simple answer is that I didn't imagine him blond as a kid. I do not actually remember what I pictured him as, but my dad said I was confused (even in the creepyish animated movies which I watched about a thousand times) about who "that blond elf" was. In addition, I want there to be a distinct difference between the Sueified versions of the characters and the real characters. "But Merenil looked pretty much the same!" Actually, I did say that "Caroline noted that Merenil's features had gained even greater beauty than they had had before." Also, Merenil probably wouldn't have been described in the original fic (other than being "Less pretty that Sornif"), and I'm operating under the assumption that anything not mentioned reverts to Canon.<em>

_Right, I just wanted to put that in real quickly. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you are all very nice to me! Also, thank you to both L.M. Frick and Sayuri Ai for Betaing this chapter._

_Finally (and then I'll shut up), head on over to my profile, please. I have a poll up over whether Caroline should get a love interest._


	5. The Bear Climbed Over the Mountain

_Oh my goodness, is this already Chapter Five? And I'm on time? It's a miracle! Actually, it is possible that next week's chapter might be a little bit late. Why is this? Well, I am actually staying in a little cabin in the middle of nowhere that has no internet. This is being uploaded from a café. This wouldn't be a big deal, except I need to get the chapter to my beta, get it back again, reread it a few more times, and then, finally, update it. This requires multiple trips to the café, and I can't go every day. I will really, really try to get this up on time, but it's possible it won't be. Sorry._

_As always, thank you to everyone who reviewed, and special thanks to everyone who voted on my poll. *Glares at everyone who didn't* It is still up, you know…_

_Thank you to L. M. Frick for betaing and fixing most of my comma issues._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five: The Bear Climbed Over the Mountain<strong>

Glorfy, as Caroline had dubbed him, looked at her, confused. "Who're ya?" he slurred. "Ya're real pretty, ya know that?"

Caroline raised her eyebrows at the elf in front of her. She still had a difficult time believing that this was actually Glorfindel. "Next person to tell me that gets disemboweled, dear Glorfy."

"Mah name's nut Glorfy," he said, in what Caroline assumed was supposed to be an annoyed tone. She was very hopeful for all of three seconds that he wouldn't be Glorfindel after all. "Mah name's Glorfindel. Duh!" If it had been an anime universe, Caroline would have sweat-dropped. As it was, she had to settle for a facepalm. She was going to kill Leggieluver, she really was. Caroline had a tendency to be rather protective of characters she liked.

"My dear Glorfy," she said, adopting the sickly sweet tone she saved for screwed with characters and annoying little kids. "I will keep calling you Glorfy, because calling you Glorfindel would be a disgrace to the real Glorfindel. You are a slobbering drunk. He is powerful enough to scare Nazgûls. It's not surprising that I find you completely unintimidating. Hey! Merenil!" Caroline turned around and shouted across the hall. Merenil, who had struck up conversation with Lindir, looked over.

"What do you need? I thought you would be able to handle it by yourself! I am busy!" She called back. Mysteriously, none of the Sued characters seemed to be noticing the two yelling back and forth. Caroline shrugged it off as the lack of logic in Sue fics.

"Well, I can't! He's being annoying!"

"Elbereth, are you going to be this incompetent every time? You were able to help me by yourself!"

"Yes, but I'm lazy! Now come and help me think of what to do!"

"Why can't you do as you did with Legolas?"

"But that's _boring_! Not to mention, it didn't exactly work…"

Merenil's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I am _busy_, Caroline," she said warningly.

Caroline shrank away from her glare. Damn, but angry elves were _scary_! "Okay. I'll manage, I think," she replied in a small voice. Merenil looked satisfied and returned to her conversation. "Some friend you turned out to be," Caroline mumbled to herself, before turning back to Glorfy. He was pouting at her from the bench.

"I'm not scary?" he asked, sounding for all the world like a little kid. A drunk little kid, but a little kid nonetheless.

"Nope. Not at all."

"But… I'm an elf!"

"That just makes you pretty, Glorfy," Caroline said, in the tone of one delivering a painful truth. "It doesn't mean that you are by default scary." Glorfy's bottom lip quivered, and he sniffled quietly before throwing himself on the bench and crying hysterically. Caroline patted his shoulder awkwardly. "What I wouldn't give for a copy of the Silmarillion," she muttered.

Caroline had not, of course, read past Sornif's appearance in Middle-earth. She therefore did not know that Sornif had certain… abilities. Other than seduction and the like. One such ability was that anything she really wanted appeared from thin air. After all, what's a Sue without her favorite nail polish?

Because Caroline did not know this, she was completely surprised when a copy of the Silmarillion appeared in her hands. She stared at it with a look of glee plastered over her face. "SUE POWERS ACTIVATED!" She yelled as she brought the book up over her head. "BEGONE EVIL-FAKE-GLORFY! GIVE US GLORFINDEL BACK!" With the surprising strength that comes from hitting friends with textbooks, Caroline brought the book whistling through the air and down with a smack onto Glorfy's head. He fell backwards off the bench and onto the floor where he lay, completely knocked out. "What?" Caroline asked incredulously. "Come on! That should've worked! THAT AIN'T FAIR, LEGGIELUVER!"

Maybe it was still down to the lack of logic in Sue fics, but no one except Merenil had noticed Caroline's antics. Said elf was now nearly on the floor with laughter. Leaving the passed out Glorfy on the floor, Caroline marched angrily over to Merenil. "What, I ask you, do you find so funny?" she asked coldly.

Merenil struggled to stop laughing as she answered, "It's just… you did not actually think that would work, did you?" she forced out between giggles.

Caroline pursed her lips. "Yes, I did. I had hoped he would vanish in a puff of sparkles to be replaced by the real Glorfindel," she said. The sad part was she was completely serious. "And," she continued, "if you knew it wouldn't work, you could have told me. Instead, you were 'busy.'"

Merenil shrugged as she finally regained control of herself. "I was talking to Lindir. I genuinely thought you were smarter than that."

It would be really great to say that Caroline came up with a witty retort to that. It would fantastic if she was mature and her stinging tongue put Merenil to shame for teasing her. However, that would be really Sueish, and it's not what happened. "Meanie," is what she actually said.

Merenil rolled her eyes and turned back to Lindir briefly. "I shall come back to talk to you later. I have to help Caroline right now."

"All right, Lady Merenil. As always, it is a pleasure to speak with you," Lindir said, smiling warmly at Merenil. Merenil smiled right back.

"Come on, Merenil!" Caroline said, rolling her eyes and tugging at Merenil's arm. Merenil shot her the Elvish Death Glare of Doom ™ but followed anyway.

"So, Miss Puff of Sparkles, do you have any more brilliant ideas or do I have to be the one to think of something?" Merenil asked sarcastically. Nevertheless, her voice was amused.

"Define 'brilliant'…" Caroline responded, grinning sheepishly.

"What are you thinking?" Merenil asked, torn between exasperation and amusement. Caroline acted like a mature young woman one second and a child the next. Merenil made a mental note to ask Caroline her real age at the next convenient moment.

"Well," Caroline began excitedly, "what if we bring Glorfy to Moria, and we show him the Balrog? We don't fight it or anything, we just show it to him. Poof! All his memories of fighting the Balrog come back and he's back to normal!"

Merenil was a little more skeptical about the whole thing. "Caroline," she started, "You do realize that Balrogs do not just look at you and then let you go, right?"

Caroline seemed to consider this a moment before her face fell. "Oh. Right. Didn't think of that. Ooh! I know! What if we get a different Balrog, and get it to attack Rivendell? We have all these elves _and_ Gandalf! The Balrog doesn't stand a chance!"

Merenil gave Caroline a look which clearly read 'You're an idiot, you know that, right?' as she answered slowly, "Where, exactly, do you intend to get this Balrog? And most of these elves are still under the influence of the author. They would be no help in fighting a Balrog."

Caroline grimaced. "I could just read him something from the Silmarillion, I suppose," she said finally with a sigh, but Merenil shook her head. Caroline looked at her, bemused. "What? Why wouldn't that work? It's a perfectly sane and boring plan!"

Merenil shook her head again. "It isn't that. It's just that you got the Silmarillion using your 'Sue powers' as you call them. You can't free any of us by using something you got with your 'Sue powers.' When you began the song for me, you didn't sing it. If you had, it would have been using your Sue powers and it wouldn't have worked."

"I have a decent voice in real life!" Caroline protested, offended.

"It does not matter. Your Sue voice will be better that of your real one. It would not have been you who was speaking, but the Sue whose body you are trapped in."

Caroline nodded reluctantly. "Yes, I see. So what do you propose we do for dear Glorfy over there?"

Merenil glanced over at the passed out elf. "I suppose first we should wake him up."

Caroline cracked a smile at that, and turned to face the sleeping Glorfy. Suddenly, she turned her head to look at Merenil again. "Hey, Merenil, in the movies there was a room which was full of paintings of the Last Alliance. There isn't anything like that here, is there?"

Merenil shook her head, then paused. "Well, there is no room of just paintings, but there are paintings throughout the 'castle,'" she said the word with as much contempt as could possibly be put into one word. "What are you- oh. You are thinking of showing him pictures of Gondolin." Caroline nodded enthusiastically. Merenil let out a small, disbelieving laugh. "Why is it that you did not think of this in the first place?" she asked.

Caroline shrugged. "The bad ideas are the ones that are fun!"

Merenil chose to ignore that comment; already she was learning that, with Caroline, it was best if one just didn't ask. "Right. We should wake him up somehow. How hard did you hit him, exactly?"

Caroline shrugged. "Dunno. I just hit him. As I said, I was hoping for a poof of sparkles."

Merenil sighed and walked over to where Glorfy was sleeping on the floor. Gingerly, she prodded him with her foot. He didn't move. Caroline would have been fairly sure that Merenil rolled her eyes, except that doing that was far too unelf-like. Instead, Merenil grabbed a pitcher of water of the table (they still didn't know why there were tables in that room and it was beginning to annoy Caroline) and dumped the water on Glorfy's head. Caroline and Merenil watched in amusement as Glorfy woke up, spluttering and wet.

Surprise barely had time to register on his face before the two females had grabbed him and were hauling him to his feet. "Wha?" he asked vaguely, but neither Caroline nor Merenil replied. Instead, they both grabbed his arms and began dragging him out of the hall. Poor Glorfy was rather confused.

~O~O~

Five minutes later found the three of them standing in a hallway, looking quite lost. "So, Merenil. Where to next?" Caroline asked, a hint of sarcasm in her tone.

Merenil looked both ways down the hallway before turning back to Caroline. "I do not actually know. The arrangement of this place is strange to me. At this point, we might as well wander around hoping we find it."

Caroline looked all too happy at that suggestion, and, as they turned right and kept walking, she began to hum "The Bear Climbed Over the Mountain." Merenil quickly developed an intense hatred for that song. Caroline either didn't realize her friend's annoyance, or didn't care. Merenil was willing to bet it was the second.

~O~O~

Ten more minutes of walking found them finally in front of several pictures depicting Gondolin and its fall. The technique was stunning, and Caroline was mentally comparing them to the renaissance masters. While she couldn't say for sure unless she had one of those paintings in front of her, she quickly concluded that these were just as good, and probably better.

But if Caroline was in awe, it was nothing compared to what Glorfindel was feeling at that particular moment. He wandered from one painting to the next, a pained look on his face, especially when he came to the Fall of Gondolin. Caroline tore her eyes from a magnificent work of art long enough to glance at him worriedly. He was standing in front of a painting of his own grave on the mountainside, and he looked on with an expression of infinite grief. Slowly, as she watched, his hair faded from black to golden, and he grew a couple inches. His face became less human with harsher angles, yet also it looked younger. It had a strange beauty to it. Caroline could not find the words to explain it and remembered with startling accuracy Tolkien's description of Glorfindel:

"_Glorfindel was tall and straight; his hair was of shining gold, his face fair and young and fearless and full of joy; his eyes were bright and keen, and his voice like music; on his brow sat wisdom, and in his hand was strength."_

Here was an Elf Lord, one of the Firstborn, and one who had seen the light of the Two Trees of Valinor. Caroline felt distinctly unworthy of his presence. He turned to her and Merenil now, and Caroline scratched the back of her neck nervously, as his gaze fixed on her.

"You brought me back?" his voice was kind and surprisingly warm. Caroline glanced at him quickly before nodding. The grief was still etched in his face, but it was fading quickly. "Thank you."

Caroline was rather taken aback at getting thanks from such a powerful elf, let alone one she liked so much, and blushed furiously. "Oh, uh, it was nothing. Just the decent thing to do," she grinned hesitantly. "It's not like I had much of a choice. It's get you back to normal or be stuck here forever. Be stuck in this body forever. Speaking of which…" Caroline looked down at herself, and then held her hands up in front of her face. Yep, those were _her_ fingers, and _her _short nails. She grinned. "Yay."

Glorfindel turned to Merenil. "You helped too, I would guess. I must thank you as well."

Merenil, who was obviously more used to being around insanely powerful elves that Caroline was, waved the thanks off. "I did nothing. It was Caroline's idea in the end. I simply acted as the voice of reason and vetoed some of her more… risky ideas."

"By which she means the fun ones," Caroline muttered.

Glorfindel looked at the two curiously, and asked, "What, exactly, were these other ideas?

Caroline and Merenil glanced at each other and came to a silent agreement. "Nothing," Caroline said, innocently.

"Just ideas," Merenil added.

Glorfindel narrowed his eyes at the two (Caroline shifted nervously and looked away, which was strange as usually she would be staring back) before deciding to leave it. "Come, we should take you to Elrond. I'm sure he could be of some help to you in your task."

"You know what it is, just like that?"

"I was in the hall. I remember what you and Gandalf talked of."

Caroline nodded as she and Merenil trailed behind Glorfindel who led them on to wherever Elrond was. Then it hit her. She was going to meet Elrond. Elrond who was the keeper of one of the Three Elven Rings. Elrond who was descended from Beren and Luthien. Elrond who was probably warped beyond all recognition. Oh dear.


	6. That's My Horse!

_Erm, you're going to have to forgive me. This chapter was not betad... My beta didn't get back to me on time so I edited it my self. Tada! At least it's on time, right?_

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you all make my day. Thank you to everyone who reviewed on my poll, and to repeat my message from last chapter: *glares at the people who didn't* it's still open, you know..._

_Anyway, on with the show!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six: That's My Horse!<strong>

Caroline and Merenil stopped behind Glorfindel as he came to a large stone door, behind which was, presumably, Elrond's study. Glorfindel knocked politely on the door, and it swung open without much preamble. Caroline stepped in last, looking around herself nervously.

The room was more of a porch than anything else; one side opened into a courtyard with a wide stone path coming toward it. Caroline looked at Merenil questioningly, but Merenil seemed to be silently fuming and didn't notice. No matter, Merenil's reaction confirmed her suspicions. Apparently this was not what Elrond's study was normally like.

Caroline actually thought it was quite nice. After having been inside since her arrival at the stream, the fresh breeze coming in from the garden felt wonderful. Lining the walls of the room was shelf upon shelf of books. The spines named them as histories and songs and lore books and even some that might be fairy tales. Caroline noted that the books were all in English rather than the flowing script the Tolkien had created, Tengwar, she thought it was called.

Elrond looked up at the arrival and… glowered at them? "Who are you, and how dare you interrupt me?" he asked in a voice like thunder.

Glorfindel visibly winced at the state of his friend and answered, "Lord Elrond Peredhil, I am Glorfindel of Gondolin. You know me. I would speak with you, but not in this state. This is not you." Elrond simply continued to glower. Glorfindel turned to Caroline, seeing no recognition from Elrond. "Why does he act so? And can you change him back to himself? Mithrandir instructed you in this, did he not?"

Caroline paused in her whispered rant about characterizing Elrond long enough to answer Glorfindel. "Weren't you paying attention in the hall? He's like this because of me. If I was gone he would be back to normal immediately, but I can't go until he's back to normal or the damn author decides to let me out. As for turning him back, I really don't want to use that method. Gandalf told me it would work, but I really, really, don't want to do it. It's like showing you Gondolin and stuff. It's gonna be painful for him."

Glorfindel fixed Caroline with a piercing stare and she fidgeted as he responded calmly, "I have long since moved past my grief for my city. Yes, I grieve for it still, but I do not quail from reminders of it. Lord Elrond is an elf of great power and great wisdom. I know him well, and he would rather a painful reminder of something than to be reduced to a fool as he has been."

"Showing you Gondolin was a last resort!" Caroline raked her fingers through her hair in frustration, "I saw the look on your face when you were looking at those pictures! You were more hurt than you're letting on. And this, this is something that perhaps he's gotten over. Maybe he has said 'Hey! It was his choice! I made mine, he made his, whatever,' but then again, maybe he hasn't, maybe he still doesn't like reminders of this. Maybe-"

"Maybe he knows that Mithrandir told you to speak of this," Merenil cut in, causing both Glorfindel and Caroline to look at her, having forgotten her presence. The fact that Elrond was in the room had also been momentarily forgotten.

Glorfindel nodded in agreement with what Merenil had said. "Lord Elrond will forgive you for whatever it is you must say. He will understand as much as I did with Gondolin."

"You keep saying that, but how can I know for sure? " Caroline scrubbed at her face with her hand.

Merenil reached over and put her hand on Caroline's shoulder. "Caroline, you must get him back to normal somehow. You have no-"

Merenil was abruptly cut off as a horse came galloping up the stone road and slid to a stop, spraying clods of dirt everywhere (which was a bit strange, it being a stone road and all; Caroline put it down once again to Suvian logic, or lack thereof).

A dark haired woman swung off the horse, holding in her arms a much smaller figure. "Father," the woman said breathlessly, "Father, Frodo is hurt. He's dying!"

Elrond stood up abruptly and took the hobbit, for hobbit it was, from the woman's arms. "Arwen, get Bilbo from the Hall of Fire, he will want to be with his nephew."

Caroline, Merenil, and Glorfindel stood looking at the scene, each with an expression of a varying degree of horror affixed on their faces. Caroline was silently berating herself for forgetting the real name of the Music Hall. Hall of Fire sounded so much cooler. She was also muttering something under her breath about Frodo being Bilbo's cousin, not nephew.

Merenil was in shock at how not beautiful Arwen was. She wasn't ugly, per say, but she was far from the stunning she was supposed to be. Her hair was dull and limp, her skin seemed to be oily, and there were a few pimples dotting her face (if Caroline had heard these particular thoughts she would have slapped Merenil, as she had a rather severe case of acne herself in real life). She was still slightly above average looks-wise, but she was nowhere near the stunning beauty she was supposed to be.

Glorfindel, well, Glorfindel was ignoring both Arwen's appearance and the mix-up in Bilbo and Frodo's relationship. _He_ was staring at the horse. "You stole- you stole my horse!" he sounded somewhere between outrage and disbelief. "That's my horse!"

Caroline glanced over at Glorfindel and immediately decided she was on his side. What could she say? He was just that pretty. "Yeah! That's Glorfy's horse!"

Glorfindel shot her a glare that clearly said something along the lines of "I killed a Balrog; I can easily kick your ass if you ever call me that again."

"I mean, that's Glorfindel's horse!" Caroline corrected herself, nervously.

Elrond and Arwen looked at the three as if noticing them for the first time. "Who are you?" Elrond asked dumbly, looking from Glorfindel to Merenil until finally his eyes rested on Caroline. Recognition dawned on his face as he saw her. "Sornif, my child! You have returned to us! Come, your healing powers surpass us all! You must heal the hobbit!"

Merenil, upon seeing the look on Caroline's face, took a step back. Glorfindel was a bit slower on the uptake and was hit in the nose as Caroline flung her arms skyward in exasperation. "My name, is not, was not, and never will be Sornif Lardin Nirmanit or whatever stupid thing Leggieluver123 came up with!"

"Sornif Lardit Nirnamil," Elrond corrected quietly. Caroline glared at him.

"I am not your immediate concern, I should remind you, _King_ Elrond Half-Elven!" She sneered out the title. "There is a hobbit dying in your arms. A hobbit upon whose shoulders lies the fate of Middle-earth! Don't waste time calling me your effing daughter!" Unfortunately, Elrond was less than impressed, a fact that Caroline could clearly see.

There had been many times in her life when Caroline wished she could do that cool voice Gandalf does in the movie when he is intimidating Bilbo. Mostly, she wished to do it when annoyed at certain friends. Right now, she wished to do it so she could intimidate a very powerful elven lord. Sadly, she could not do it and had to settle for glaring belligerently.

Arwen turned to her father, confused. "What do you mean 'My child'? Father, who is this girl?" Her voice was nasally and whiny, no doubt exactly how Leggieluver intended it.

Elrond turned to Arwen, completely oblivious of Caroline's attempt to recreate the Elvish Death Glare of Doom™. "This is your long lost sister, and my long lost daughter, Sornif Lardit Nirnamil. We had to send her to Earth so that Sauron would remain oblivious to her power until we needed her help. Your mother, Celebrían, and I never told you about her because we feared you might let slip her existence to that filthy Ranger of yours, Aragorn."

Caroline twitched. Too much was wrong with that sentence. How did Leggieluver know what the name of Arwen's mother was? Speaking of which, how did she know about the Hall of Fire? Or of Glorfindel? It didn't make sense, unless… Caroline remembered sheepishly her own introduction to the Lord of the Rings fandom. You didn't necessarily know everything about a canon going in, but after a couple of fics you picked up on stuff. If you were smart, like Caroline, you proceeded to do more research on this stuff so that when writing your story you were accurate. Unfortunately, it appeared Leggieluver hadn't taken the time to bother with such stuff, hence Glorfindel's appearance as a drunken idiot. Hooray.

As Frodo let out a low moan, Caroline gave up on all pretense of tact as she marched up into Elrond's face and said, "Elrond! Dying hobbit! Now!"

Apparently it finally got through to Elrond that Caroline was not going to be the one to take care of Frodo and he bustled off with Arwen in tow, leaving Caroline, Merenil, and Glorfindel alone once again.

Glorfindel turned to Caroline with a disapproving and slightly exasperated look. "Glorfy?" he asked, disbelievingly.

Caroline grinned sheepishly, "Slip of the tongue. Won't happen again, sir, Glorfindel, sir!" Glorfindel cast his eyes heavenward and muttered what sounded strangely similar to a prayer for patience.

Merenil's look was a bit more calculating than Glorfindel's. "That was a neat little evasion, Caroline, was it not?" Caroline tried to look innocent by counting the leaves on a nearby tree and failed quite miserably in both her counting and looking innocent. "I think you could easily have turned him back just then. Instead you did not even try."

Caroline turned to Merenil pleadingly, "I will, I will, I promise! After he heals Frodo!"

Glorfindel, who was now stroking his horse's nose, raised an eyebrow at this comment. "How do you know he will even have the knowledge to heal Frodo, the way he now is? It seems to be that he shall not know how, as Leggieluver was relying on Sornif to do it."

The look on Caroline's face can only be described as "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" and she promptly turned on her heel and sprinted from the room in the direction Elrond and Arwen had gone.

Glorfindel and Merenil may or may not have shared a private smirk.

~O~O~

Caroline rounded the corner, gasping for breath, and nearly ran smack into Elrond, who seemed to be taking his sweet time getting Frodo to his room. "Lord Elrond," she gasped, leaning against the wall, "Lord Elrond, I need to talk with you briefly."

He looked concerned as he answered, "Of course, Sornif! What is it that you need?"

Caroline drew another deep breath. "I must not keep you long, but what I speak of is of the utmost importance," she said, attempting to adopt the same formal language the elves used in the books. She waited until he nodded before continuing, "I need to you remember who you are. I need you to know who you are beyond this fake person you are being forced to be. You are Elrond Peredhil, Elrond Half- elven, son of Eärendil and Elwing. You are part Maia. You are the keeper of one of the Three Elven Rings. You need to remember this!" She searched his face, hoping for some hint of recognition. She sighed when she didn't find anything. This is what she had dreaded.

She closed her eyes as she began again, not wanting to see his face if Gandalf's advice did work. "Lord Elrond Peredhel, Master of Rivendell and keeper of the Ring Vilya, remember who you are," she grimaced slightly at that line, but it was too late to change it and she plowed ahead, "Remember when you were caught in the third Kinslaying and your mother threw herself over the cliff with the Silmaril. You and your brother were taken and cared for by Maglor, son of Fëanor. Despite what one would think, he loved you, and, though I cannot say for sure, I think you did too. You, along with all the other half-elven were given the choice after the War of Wrath to be accounted among either the Firstborn or the Secondborn. You chose the first, but your brother, Elros, chose to be accounted among the Men. From him came the line of Númenor. You married the daughter of Celeborn and Galadriel and had two sons and a daughter. Once when in the mountains, Celebrían-" She stopped as she felt a gentle hand pressed against her mouth.

"Hush, child. You have said enough," a kind voice said. Something in the sound reminded Caroline of summertime and of freshly cut grass and Wisconsin woods and the smiling faces of her- she forced back the thoughts of home, refusing to dwell on that yet. She opened her eyes and looked up into the real face of Lord Elrond Peredhil, who was looking at her sympathetically, though his own eyes were filled with unshed tears.

She dropped her gaze quickly, "I am sorry, Lord Elrond," she murmured.

He nodded understandingly. "I know why you did it, Caroline. It was the right thing."

Somehow though, this wasn't quite enough for Caroline. Elrond was never one of her favorite characters, but he had been up there in her "Cool Characters of Awesomeness" book. The fact that she had just brought up what were probably his most painful memories, did not sit well with her. "I know that I did the right thing, but still, I feel awful about it. I would never have done it if I had any other choice. Please, forgive me." She fidgeted nervously as she waited for an answer.

"I forgive you, though I have nothing to forgive," he answered, and she thought she heard a trace of amusement in his voice.

She looked at him again and smiled sheepishly, before catching sight of Frodo who was still in his arms. "Oh, sweet Jesus, Frodo!" she cried, alarmed, "Yes, me. Forgiven. Good. Now, please, go take care of Frodo!"

Somehow, despite looking startled and hurrying off to take care of Frodo, Elrond still managed to look dignified. Caroline added that to the growing list of things she wished she could do (Gandalf Voice of Epicness, Elvish Death Glare of Doom™, and Looking Dignified No Matter What).

Turning around in hopes of finding her way back to Merenil, Caroline noticed to both her delight and dismay that the halls had changed. It was no longer a castle but an open sort of structure. Sunlight streamed in through multiple windows and everything about it spoke of welcome. It appeared that when Rivendell's master had been returned to normal, so had Rivendell itself. This, of course, meant that Caroline had no idea how to get back to where Merenil and Glorfindel were.

Sighing, she decided her best bet was to head off in the direction she had come and hope that she found them eventually. Maybe, if she was lucky, she would find them before dinner that night. Speaking of which, she hadn't had a meal since she appeared here. She paused as the thought made her suddenly very hungry. Perhaps Merenil and Glorfindel could wait. Food called, after all. Yum, food. There were probably chickens and fruits and maybe there were cakes! Cakes… That decided it. Food first, friends later. This left only one question. Where the hell was the kitchen?


	7. The Incident in the Kitchen

_Hola! I do believe this is chapter 7 already, which is kind of scary because I have never ever gotten this far on a story before. Ever. Again, this chapter was NOT beta'd by anyone so I had to do it by myself. If you spot any mistakes, please let me know._

_Also, my poll has been officially closed. Unless I get a flood of reviews saying otherwise, Caroline is not going to have a love interest. Why? Because my poll was set up in a rather stupid manner. But that isn't the point._

_Right, I will just shut up now._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven: The Incident in the Kitchen<strong>

Glorfindel and Merenil sat on the floor, waiting in Elrond's study. Luckily, Glorfindel had sent Asfaloth back to the stable before the shift had occurred. When the proper layout of Rivendell had materialized around them, they had smiled, knowing that Elrond had been returned to his normal self.

Unfortunately, they had now been waiting a rather long time for Caroline to come back. It had only just occurred to them that Caroline would have no idea where to look for them. They were now debating the idea of going in search of her and how to go about it if they did decide to search.

"Would she not simply ask directions to Elrond's study? That would be the intelligent thing to do," Glorfindel asked, confused as to why anyone would simply wander around completely lost.

"Yes, but that is assuming that Caroline would _think_ of the intelligent thing to do. She went through four rather idiotic ideas before it occurred to her to simply show you the pictures of Gondolin. Well, three, but I'm including reading from the book even though that wasn't that stupid," Merenil replied matter-of-factly.

Glorfindel sighed. "I am reluctant to go after her, if for no other reason that we have no idea where she might be and in the time whilst we are looking she might return here."

Merenil smirked and cast him a sidelong glance, "This has nothing to do with finding her annoying and preferring to let her bother other people for a time, I trust."

"It is conceivable that that may play into my decision."

"Well, sitting around here will do nothing towards finding her, and I, for one, would prefer to find her before she does something incredibly stupid that results in her or someone else getting hurt." Glorfindel was unable to argue with such logic, as he had seen enough of Caroline to know she _would_ do just such a thing.

Sighing again, he stood up from where he had been sitting cross-legged on the floor and reached down a hand to help Merenil up. She took it gratefully and rose gracefully to her feet. If Caroline had seen she would no doubt have been grumbling about stupid elves and their gracefulness and have been adding it to her list of things she wished she could do.

"Where should we start, then?" Glorfindel asked amiably.

Merenil shrugged, "If you were a human where would you go?"

Merenil and Glorfindel looked at each other suddenly, remembering where Aragorn had always been found as a teenager.

"You don't suppose she would have headed to-"

"No. Absolutely not. She doesn't know the way."

"She could have asked…"

"As you said, we cannot expect her to do the intelligent thing."

"No one said she'd ask in an intelligent manner, and knowing her luck she'd ask someone like Feredir. He's supposed to be back from a scouting mission this week anyway."

"Isn't he your friend?" Glorfindel asked, having seen Merenil, Lindir, and Feredir walking through the gardens together on numerous occasions.

"He is my friend. However, he has a tendency to be rather harsh to strangers. You know how high and mighty he likes to act. Caroline would no doubt drive him to distraction."

Glorfindel sighed, realizing this was a very good point. "To the kitchen."

~O~O~

Caroline wandered aimlessly throughout the newly restored Last Homely House. Though she refused to admit it, even to herself, she was completely and totally lost. It wasn't her fault, though. She would have been lost even if she had tried to go back to Merenil and Glorfindel. At least, that's how she rationalized it. She had even tried to think logically about it. If she was the kitchen, where would she be? Right by the dining hall, she figured, after all you want to get the food to the dining hall while it was still hot. Unfortunately, Caroline had no idea where the dining hall was either. Damn it! Why did this whole place have to be so confusing? And why did the elves keep giving her such weird looks?

Caroline sighed, frustrated, as she came to yet another branching in the corridors. Once again, she had no idea which way to go. Under normal circumstances - if she had been with Merenil, for instance - she wouldn't have minded the time to wander. She could have talked with Merenil, learned about elves some maybe, and just generally had a grand old time. Being alone, though, left her open to her thoughts. Ever since getting here, she had tried to avoid thinking on these particular matters. However, speaking with Elrond had indirectly brought them up, and she had nothing to distract herself with now.

She had no homework to do, no sister to put up with, no one yelling at her to clean her room, no annoying music blasting from the other room. She supposed she should be happy, having wished all these things away at some point or other. Yet, all these were things that added up to equal home in her mind, and their absence was slightly oppressing. She'd been aware of the lack of these things since she had gotten here, she'd just been busy enough running around with Merenil that she had not had time to think on them. Now, alone by herself, she found herself wallowing in self pity. She had this overwhelming urge to curl up in a ball and cry.

_Of course, there is still the possibility that this is all a dream,_ she thought reasonably, as she walked down yet another random hallway. _I could still be hallucinating this all! _But something about it all seemed too real for her to be dreaming up. The floor beneath her feet was too solid. There were no randomly appearing doors. It wasn't that this whole thing was logical; it was far from it. But something told her that this was no dream. Besides, she never remembered her home in dreams.

It was because she was lost in such thoughts that she wasn't paying attention as she rounded a corner and ran right into someone, hitting her forehead against their teeth. Whoever this person was, he was tall. She had grown back up to her normal height after fixing Elrond. Also, this person's teeth were very sharp. She pulled back, rubbing her forehead.

"Excuse me!" the man said, sound a slight bit irritated at being run into.

Caroline smiled nonetheless, glad to have been pulled out of her thoughts. "No problem, not your fault." She regarded the man with interest. He didn't look very old: she would put him at twenty at the oldest, but in Middle-earth looks could be deceiving and she had never been very good at judging ages anyway. He had a rugged look to him, a bit rough around the edges, you could say, which is what tipped her off about him not being an elf. Well, that and the ears. He was still good looking, what with dark black hair and grey eyes.

Wait a minute.

That description sounded far too familiar. No. No. No. It was far too soon to have to get yet another person back to normal. She had done three people today, thank you very much. Four, if you included Legolas.

He stepped aside politely to let her pass, but she hesitated for a moment, biting her lip. "I'm Caroline. I'm also kind of lost. Could you help me find the kitchen?"

"I'm afraid I am rather busy, Lady Caroline," his expression was one of exasperation.

"Busy with what?" Caroline challenged.

"Important matters that I doubt are any of your business, seeing as you do not even know where the kitchens are!"

"See, that's discrimination there. What is so important that you can't spare a moment or two to help a poor damsel in distress?" She had been quite polite, she thought. All she wanted was his name! And how hard is it to give directions to the kitchen?

"I have important news for Lord Elrond regarding the safety of Rivendell. Surely you deem that important enough?" the man glared at Caroline, her impudent attitude annoying him.

"Well, that will just have to wait. Besides, Elrond is otherwise occupied at the moment, with something even more important than that. If I remember correctly, he will be occupied with the same task for the next three days. I think. Hm… I haven't actually read the books for a while…" Caroline looked thoughtful for a moment. The man just looked annoyed. "Anyway, I believe that gives you plenty of time to give me directions to the kitchen, does it not… I'm sorry; I can't recall your name."

"That's because I didn't tell you it. And I'm sure that Elrond will have time for this," the man said, impatiently making to go around Caroline.

Caroline planted herself firmly in front of him, planting hands on her hips angrily. "Look, mister. All I want right now is your name or any one of your various aliases. And, like I told you, Elrond is busy at the moment, attending to do something that will affect the fate of Middle-earth. Unless you want to die a painful death, I suggest you let him be."

"I do not have time for you!" The man repeated and, once again, attempted to move around Caroline. Caroline pushed him backwards, hard. Caroline was, by no means a strong girl. Actually, she was rather wimpy in real life. However, Sornif was pretty strong, and thus, Caroline was able to actually cause him to stumble backwards a step or two.

"As I said. All I need is your name and directions to the god damn kitchens. If you aren't who I'm praying you aren't then I swear to never bother you again if I can help it."

The ranger breathed deeply, trying not to strangle the infuriating girl in front of him. "If I tell you my name, and I am not who you think I am, you will let me alone," he reiterated.

"That and direction to the kitchens, yep! But, when Elrond is busy, don't tell me I didn't warn you! Oh, and if you give me false directions to the kitchens, I will hunt you down and kill you in your sleep," Caroline responded in a strangely cheerful manner. She was well aware that her threat was completely empty; after all, this guy had a sword.

The ranger closed his eyes and muttered the same thing that Glorfindel had said earlier. It still sounded like a prayer for patience. "My name is Feredir. I shall show you to the kitchens so that you shall trust my directions and leave me alone." It did not escape Caroline's notice that his hands seemed to be clenching around thin air like they were itching to strangle someone. She was not stupid enough to think that that someone could be anyone but her.

Caroline smiled sweetly, and nodded. "Of course! Now, lead on, Sir Feredir!"

Deciding to ignore that last comment, Feredir turned on his heel and marched off down the corridor, not stopping to see if Caroline was following.

~O~O~

Feredir pushed open the door to the kitchen and held it open for Caroline. He hadn't said a word the entire trip through the hallways. This strange girl was very annoying and it was best not to encourage her.

Of course, Caroline needed very little encouragement and had been rambling on about anything and everything for the past five minutes. Feredir was not impressed. He had been rather alarmed when she had mentioned something about Aragorn, but then realized that she was in Rivendell and wandering around on her own, so she probably wasn't that harmful. Hopefully.

Caroline walked through the door and found herself in heaven. Well, it seemed like heaven to her, what with her very empty stomach and all. There was food everywhere. Soups were bubbling and meat was roasting and there was cake! Not for the last time, Caroline wished she had ended up in an anime fic. You could just get away with so many things in anime (like hugging a cake, for example).

Caroline stood in the doorway for a minute, unsure of how exactly to ask for some food. She threw a questioning glance over her shoulder to Feredir who was leaning against the doorway, smirking. _Important business my foot!_ Caroline thought angrily, _He just wanted to get away from me!_ That thought gave her pause. Admittedly, she could sympathize with that. After all, she had to live with herself all the time. She knew she was annoying.

Backing up a pace or two, she found herself next to Feredir again. She looked at him pleadingly. "Can you please help me get some food? I haven't eaten all day and I'm really hungry!"

Feredir sighed, unwilling to help, though he knew that he should. "All right. Come on." He strode confidently into the kitchen and Caroline trailed behind. There was a huge difference, she decided, from being confident around one person (even if that person happened to have a long sharp sword) and being confident around a lot of bustling elves. She wished that Merenil was there rather than this stubborn asshole. Obviously, both Feredir and Caroline thought very highly of each other.

Feredir walked up behind an elf with dark brown hair that was pulling a batch of rolls out from a stone oven. He tapped the elf on the shoulder and the elf turned and scowled as he saw it was Feredir. Apparently, Caroline wasn't the only one who disliked Feredir.

They conversed for a moment in rapid fire Sindarin that flew right over Caroline's head. It sounded, though, as if the elf was telling Feredir off about something and Feredir was answering with an apology and then a plea of some sort. The elf scowled at Feredir again before picking up two rolls and handing them to Feredir. Feredir grinned, bowed, and passed one to Caroline. Or, he would have, if Caroline had actually been there. Caroline, however, had been drawn by an inherent love of sharp objects over to a knife that had been left unattended. She had picked it up and was turning it over in her hands, fascinated by the intricate design carved on its handle. Feredir rolled his eyes and stalked over to Caroline.

"Caroline!" he called her angrily. Caroline, who hadn't been expecting him to call her, jumped a foot in the air and in the process managed to simultaneously cut herself and fling the knife across the room. Luckily, elves have very quick reflexes and got out of the way. The knife embedded itself in the wall on the other side of the room where it stayed, quivering. Twenty or so accusing eyes turned on Caroline. Caroline suddenly had a strange desire to be swallowed up by the floor.

Feredir said something to the elves in the room in Sindarin before grabbing Caroline's arm and dragging her out of the room.

The moment they were in the hallway, Feredir hissed in her ear, "What were you thinking? Were you trying to kill someone?"

"Well, I was just looking and then you startled me! It's hardly my fault!" She hissed back.

"You shouldn't have been touching it in the first place!"

"I have a strange attraction to sharp objects!"

"What kind of excuse is that?"

"A very good one."

"No, it is not!"

"Can I just have my food?"

"You do not deserve this food after a stunt like that!"

"Give me the roll!"

"No, it's mine now!"

"Give it to me!"

"No!"

"Give!"

And it all went downhill from there…

~O~O~

Glorfindel and Merenil rounded a corner chatting happily, enjoying their Caroline free existence for the moment.

"So, that is why we should avoid letting Caroline and Feredir meet at all costs." Merenil finished as Glorfindel stopped abruptly.

"I think it may be too late for that, Lady Merenil," Glorfindel said quietly his eyes fixed on something past Merenil.

Merenil turned and sighed in irritation. "With every passing moment, I am regretting more and more agreeing to be that girl's friend." Feredir and Caroline were in front of them, wrestling on the floor over, of all things, a roll. "Feredir, Caroline." Both people on the floor looked up at the sound of their names. "I see you two have met!"


	8. Bobette

_Hello. I'm getting yet another chapter up on time! Hooray!_

_Thank you to all my reviewers and thank you to Certh for betaing._

_Also, be glad that the tree that feel didn't hit my room or else this might not have been getting published._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eight: Bobette<strong>

Under Merenil's glare, Feredir and Caroline separated hastily. Caroline had yet to manage to get the roll, and so he was grinning somewhat triumphantly. What could she say? He was a Dúnadan. However, she was a normal human girl and therefore had the automatic response. "It's his fault!" she whined, pointing at Feredir.

"Is not!" he answered indignantly. "You started it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Glorfindel leaned over to Merenil. "How old are they?" he whispered.

"Far too old to be acting like this. The only other person to be able to get this reaction out of Feredir was his brother," Merenil answered tiredly.

Glorfindel nodded. "Caroline! Feredir! Stop this!"

Caroline and Feredir immediately shut up, though Caroline muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Damn! Scary Glorfy!"

"Glorfy" pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to recall the elvish patience he usually had. Honestly, was one of this girl's Sue qualities that she sapped the patience from everyone? "Feredir," he chose to address the one he hoped would be more mature about the whole thing, "What happened?"

Feredir squared his shoulders, also trying to regain a bit of his composure. "I had just returned from the scouting mission-"

"That explains why you smell so much!" Caroline interjected, but shut up upon catching sight of Glorfindel's expression.

"And," Feredir continued, also glaring at Caroline, "I was going to Elrond's study to speak with him about what I and my party found."

Merenil glanced away from glaring at Caroline (why did it seem like everyone was doing that? Oh, right. They were) and looked at Feredir, confused. "What happened to the rest of them? Did none of them choose to come to Rivendell? They know they are all welcome!"

Feredir looked grim. "Seven days ago* we came across orcs in Hollin."

"In Hollin? What were they doing there? Usually they avoid it as best they can!" Glorfindel asked, perturbed.

"We didn't know. We stayed and watched for a while and eventually they let slip that they were heading here at someone's orders. Hearing this, we attacked, but they were better trained than we expected. We killed them all, but their weapons were poisoned. We were too far away to get back to Rivendell quickly enough. Most everyone else died that night. I and a few others were uninjured, luckily. The others went back either to find their friend's families and tell them, or to find their own families and make sure they were all right."

"_Nai yaryuvalyë estë sambassë Mandosto,_" Glorfindel murmured as Feredir finished. Merenil looked depressed, and even Caroline had the decency to look abashed.

"I'm sorry," Caroline said softly, scratching the back of her neck. "I thought you were just saying you had important business to get rid of me."

Feredir looked at her disdainfully. "Perhaps you do that where you come from, but here we do not deceive people for the fun of it."

All of Caroline's pity for Feredir disappeared in a matter of seconds at that comment. "I told the truth," Caroline spat at him, her pride slightly wounded, "Elrond is busy with something very important."

Feredir ignored Caroline and turned to Merenil and Glorfindel. "Who is she? Why is she here?"

Glorfindel and Merenil looked at each other and then at Caroline. "It's a bit complicated," Merenil said at last, hesitantly.

"Why doesn't he know who I am?" Caroline asked, confused as well. "Ooh! Do I have to change him back too? Is he usually different than this?" Caroline's face lit up at the prospect. _Oh please, oh please, oh please let him be less of an asshole! _she thought.

Merenil shook her head, effectively killing all Caroline's hopes and dreams. "No, he's normal. He wasn't in the hall."

"Why wasn't he?"

"Presumably he wasn't mentioned by Leggieluver."

_Fwoosh!_ That was the sound of the conversation going straight over Feredir's head. "Could somebody please just explain everything to me?" Feredir asked, annoyed.

Caroline sighed, deciding she would probably be the one to explain it best. "It's a long story. I'll try and sum up." She rubbed her chin thoughtfully, thinking of what to say. Finally, "I come from a different world. Well, sort of. It's supposedly the future of this world. In my world this world is nothing but a story. It's a magnificent story that tells about most of the events that will occur within the next year here. People like to write other stories about those stories, one author wrote a really crappy one, I told her what I thought, she sent me here. Now, everyone is acting weird because of her story's influence and I have to get them back to normal. Tada!" Caroline smirked at the expression on Feredir's face. "Oh, and this isn't what I normally look like. This is the face of Sornif Lardit Nirnamil, although my eyes, hands, and height are my own."

At that final revelation Feredir was looking downright disbelieving. "I see," he said slowly. "You're insane is all."

Caroline cocked her head to the side, "Well, yes, that is one possibility I have considered. But if it were the case, I would be hallucinating about being in this world, not about coming from a different world. Glorfy- I mean Glorfindel and Merenil can back me up on that claim."

Feredir turned to Glorfindel and Merenil incredulously. "Don't tell me you believe this girl!"

Merenil smiled sympathetically, "I know it seems strange. We wouldn't believe her either if we hadn't been in the black hall ourselves."

"The black hall," Feredir repeated dumbly.

"It's a hall. We were trapped there by-" Merenil made a sound of disgust. "Never mind. It's easier if we just show you."

"Show me _what_?"

"Merenil! I've done three people today! I don't want to do anymore, I just want to eat!" Caroline whined, frustrated.

"You can eat once you prove to Feredir that you are not crazy," Merenil answered, already turning.

"How is that fair?" Caroline demanded.

"It isn't," Merenil answered, shortly.

"What happened to your hand, Lady Caroline?" Glorfindel asked suddenly, catching sight of a shallow cut in her palm.

She looked down at it startled, having completely forgot about it while trying to get the roll from Feredir. "Oh, I must have cut it while I was in the kitchen," she answered offhandedly, making to wipe off the blood on her skirt. Instead Glorfindel caught her hand and looked at intently. Caroline hated herself for blushing.

"We should bandage this so that it does not get infected," Glorfindel said calmly.

Caroline shook her head. "No, it's fine."

Glorfindel eyed her, obviously slightly annoyed. "It will only take a minute."

Caroline sighed and relented. "As long as I can get some food."

Without another word, Glorfindel turned and led them down the hall. As Feredir followed he muttered, "I still think she's crazy."

~O~O~

A few minutes later found Caroline with a bandaged hand and them all back to discussing Caroline's sanity. "So, we should find someone to show him who is out of character and then have me change them back. Wonderful. This sounds like a great plan," Caroline deadpanned, her eyes narrowed at Merenil.

"Come on, it's easy we will just find some random elf and change them back," Merenil said, as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

Caroline gave a short laugh. "You don't think that there are any elves left in Rivendell that are out of character, do you? Unless you count Legolas who is impossible to change back, as you noted before. Everyone was changed back to normal with Elrond."

Merenil raised an eyebrow and smirked at Caroline. "Anyone whom Leggieluver messed up very badly will still be out of character. Like, for example, Arwen."

Caroline paled. "Fuck, no. I am not going to change back any more freakishly powerful elves today. Nope. No way. Not going to happen. Do you have any idea how tiring it is?"

Merenil's expression was distinctly unimpressed. "I'm sure. That's why you've been perfectly non-tired and hyper all day."

"I still refuse to do it." Caroline said, stubbornly.

"I will give you food first."

"Deal."

~O~O~

The moment Caroline finally had some food in her stomach (Merenil had gone back to the kitchen and gotten some. Glorfindel, Feredir, and Caroline had sat in uncomfortable silence), she grudgingly got up to go find Arwen with everyone else.

"Commence search for Arwen," Caroline murmured as they set out into the hallway.

~O~O~

The group of them wandered in uncomfortable silence for a time before Caroline finally worked up the courage to break it. "Feredir, I really am sorry," she said softly, moving up to walk next to him.

He glanced at her, surprised. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again and smiled sadly at her. They walked in silence for a little ways more before he quietly replied. "It sounds cold to say it, but I can only be glad that none of my friends were among the dead," he caught Caroline's questioning look at him and sighed before continuing. "If I were to believe what you say, then you must not come from a world at war, to judge by the look on your face."

Caroline sighed as well before answering. "No, I do come from a world where there is war. The war is far more terrible than even the one here. There are weapons that can kill thousands of people at once. But the war is remote. It doesn't affect me personally."

Feredir nodded, "You are like the hobbits in the Shire. The war is but a story to you."

Caroline shook her head sharply at that, almost angrily. "No. The war is real. I know how terrible it can be. But I don't know what it's like to be at war, if that's what you mean."

"Then you are lucky," Feredir replied. "The men that died were good men. They did not deserve to die."

"Does anyone deserve to die?" Caroline asked quietly.

Feredir responded with surprising ferocity, "Yes. The orcs deserve to die. The men who serve Sauron deserve to die. Anyone who says differently is fool and will be the moment they take a step out of Rivendell."

Privately, Caroline disagreed, but she could easily see the logic in what Feredir said. Convincing him differently would do no good. She nodded silently.

~O~O~

The four of them arrived outside a carved wooden door. The image etched into was that of a star rising. Caroline decided that when she got home she was going to have a door like that. It was cool.

Merenil knocked hesitantly and was answered by a shrill voice yelling, "Come in!"

Feredir leaned over to Merenil. "Wait, but isn't this Lady Arwen's room?"

Merenil nodded, smirking. Feredir eyed the door warily.

Slowly, Merenil pushed open the door to reveal Leggieluver's "Arwen" sitting at the vanity. Caroline decided that this, this _thing_ did not deserve Arwen's name. Henceforth, she would be known as Bobette.

"Oh! Like, hi, Merenil!" Bobette said with a thick, Jersey accent. Caroline facepalmed.

Feredir glanced at Merenil in confusion. "Who is this?" he asked, alarmed.

"Arwen," Merenil replied simply, blatantly grinning at Feredir's face. Caroline was beginning to suspect that Merenil had a not-so-secret sadistic streak.

"Merenil! Who, like, are these, like people? They're, like, not supposed to be in here!" Bobette exclaimed. Caroline rolled her eyes. If she ever met Leggieluver in real life that girl was in for it.

Caroline cleared her throat and stepped in front of Merenil. "Hola, Bobette," she began, ignoring the blank looks she was getting. "I would like to say that you are possibly the most annoying person in the world with the exception of Merenil for making me do this. I hate you."

All she received were blank looks. She shrugged, "Well, it felt good to get out of my system anyway." Caroline glanced around the room at everyone quickly, before moving up so that she was right beside Bobette.

"Arwen," she muttered, "snap out of it. Think of Aragorn," her tone turned wheedling. "Think of what will happen once he becomes King. Dammit, you shouldn't be affected by me at all!"

Feredir watched in confusion as Caroline continued to whisper quickly and urgently to Arwen. He caught the words "Aragorn" "King" "Elrond" "Fucking Maia" and "Tinúviel" but not much else. Whatever Caroline said though, seemed to work as Arwen's face changed before him from the so-called Bobette, to beauty not seen since Lúthien herself. Here was the Arwen he remembered.

Caroline backed away and regarded the restored Arwen triumphantly. Arwen looked around for a moment, confused. "Glorfindel, Merenil, Feredir? What is going on? Who is this girl?"

"She's the girl from the hall, Lady Arwen," Merenil replied, smiling gently.

The conversation continued, but Caroline could no longer hear it, what with the blood rushing in her ears. She grabbed at the chair Arwen was sitting in, her head pounding and her vision becoming splotchy. She felt her knees go weak and her head spin. Her grip slipped, and she fell to the floor, unconscious.

* * *

><p>*<em>The use of seven days is based on me actually measuring a map for the distance between the two places, looking up the average human walking speed, then doing a bunch of weird calculations I can't remember. This got me about four days. Following this, I added in a couple more days for the fight, burying dead companions, hunting for food, whatever. Thus I ended up with seven days. I don't know why it took the Fellowship so much longer. I blame the hobbits.<em>

Nai yaryuvalyë estë sambassë Mandosto_ – Quenya for "May you find peace in death." Literally, "You have peace in death." I used the phrase book at Merin Essi ar Quenteli. I made Glorfy speak Quenya, because presumably that would be his first language, as he grew up in Valinor._


	9. Homesickness

Hiya! *waves*

As usual, thanks to all my reviewers, and thanks to Certh for betaing!

Erm, yes, I start school this week so it's possible I won't be able to write as much. I will try very hard not to let this happen (the people who know me personally are now all shaking their heads and muttering typical), but it is possible. If I don't update on time, feel free to spam me with PMs until I do.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine: Homesickness<strong>

Caroline opened her eyes hesitantly, but the room she was in was dim. The blankets that were tangled around her legs felt familiar. She rolled out of the bed and looked around in shock at the light green walls and the furniture that was that of her room. She was dressed in her familiar t-shirt and shorts. She grinned with relief. The whole thing had been an elaborate dream.

Now, to take a shower and write a lovely fanfic about her dream…

Leaving her room she padded down the hallway, feeling surprisingly refreshed. She even dared hum a little too herself, though she could not quite place the tune. Even the thought of having to go to school did not put a damper on her mood.

She pushed in her parents' door and saw her mom putting in a pair of earrings that Caroline didn't think she had seen before. "Mom, what's it gonna be like today?" she asked.

Her mother didn't look at her.

"Mom? Mom?" Caroline asked again. She walked over to her mom to tap her on the shoulder. Her hand passed through her mom.

Caroline backed away in horror. What was this? "Mom! Mom!" she yelled, desperate for her mother to show some sign of recognition or to at least acknowledge her presence. No recognition came. She turned back to go down the stairs to where she knew her father would be in the kitchen, and saw that her room was missing from the end of the hall.

Reeling, she stumbled into the bathroom, filled with and overwhelming urge to vomit. Only one sink remained in the bathroom rather than the two that there should be. Nonetheless, she heaved over it, though nothing came up. She looked up at the mirror, only to see she had no reflection.

Terrified, Caroline ran to the stairs and started down them, only to trip and fall and-

Really awake this time, Caroline jolted awake with a gasp. She was back in the bed in Rivendell and she promptly leaned over the edge and began to retch.

Someone held her hair out of her face as she did so, and when she finished, she curled up in a ball as sobs racked her body. What if she never got home? What if she did and no one recognized her? What if she was completely forgotten about?

And then the even worse thoughts. What if she hadn't been forgotten about? What if time was passing at home and her family was frantically worrying where she was? What if they assumed she'd been kidnapped or run away or been killed?

"Caroline? Caroline, what is wrong?" A gentle voice cut through her despairing thoughts. Caroline wiped at her eyes and tried to calm down as she turned and saw Merenil looking at her with obvious concern.

Her breath still hitching and her voice still watery, Caroline still tried to wave it off as nothing, "Just a nightmare, Merenil. Nothing more."

Merenil still looked anxious, if somewhat appeased. "Other than that though, are you all right? You passed out after returning Arwen to herself."

Caroline looked bemused. "Did I? I did, didn't I. I barely remember." She turned to Merenil and grinned tiredly, "I told you that this was tiring. I feel like I was run over by a truck."

"A truck?" Merenil asked, confused.

"Never mind," Caroline answered, obviously distracted. She swung her feet out of bed and stood up, stretching. "What time is it? Where are Glorfindel and Feredir?"

"Presumably they're going to the dining hall. Dinner is about to start, though Glorfindel was loathe to leave. He appears to have started feeling responsible for you," Merenil answered, internally debating whether to pursue the subject of Caroline's obvious distress over something.

Caroline did not blush at the mention of Glorfindel feeling protective of her. Nor did she in any way, shape, or form feel warm and fuzzy inside. Bah, who was she kidding? He was just so _pretty_! However, the mention of dinner did sound good. "Well, if dinner is about to start, shouldn't we be on our way then?" Caroline asked.

Merenil grinned at the return of Caroline's obvious love affair with food and stood up. Caroline slipped her feet into the soft slippers she had been wearing earlier and followed Merenil down the hallway to where the dining hall was.

~O~O~

When they arrived at the dining hall, Caroline was once again carrying her copy of the Silmarillion which she had found lying in the hallway, where she had apparently dropped it while wrestling with Feredir. She figured it was best not to leave it lying around as it, being her copy from home, was a bit, shall we say, annotated.

Merenil and Caroline ended up seated in between Glorfindel and Lindir with Feredir sitting across from them. Caroline was, thankfully, less nervous about being around Glorfindel now after having spent the entire afternoon with him, but she still felt slightly uncomfortable seeing as he had always been her favorite character. It didn't really help that she was feeling rather homesick and wanted to have a good cry right about then.

Merenil and Lindir almost immediately began a conversation in rapid fire Sindarin that Caroline did not understand (for obvious reasons), although the glances they kept throwing her way made her suspect that it was about her. Soon enough Feredir joined in, and Caroline resigned herself to picking at her food after discovering that she really wasn't that hungry.

After a moment or two Glorfindel noticed her apparent lack of interest in her food and asked, "Is something wrong, Lady Caroline?"

She shook her head, but did not give an answer more than that, preferring to push around her mashed potatoes some more.

"Lady Caroline, obviously all is not well." His tone wasn't condescending, per se, but it did make her feel distinctly uncomfortable remaining silent.

"Just call me Caroline," she replied evasively. "I don't call you Lord Glorfindel, and God knows you deserve the title far more than I."

His mouth quirked in what might have become a smile had Caroline not still looked so despondent. "Yet still you avoid the question, Caroline. What is it that troubles you?"

Again, rather than answering the question, Caroline tried to change the subject. "Where is Lord Elrond?"

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow at her, obviously amused, "I imagine he is with Frodo still."

Caroline grimaced slightly at her own stupidity, "Of course, I should have known that."

"Why do you want to see him?"

Yet again, Caroline hesitated, though this time she broke down and answered the question, "I do not think I can stay here long."

Glorfindel watched her carefully as he swallowed another bite of food before answering. "Is the hospitality of Imladris not enough?" he asked, his tone amused.

Caroline inclined her head in his direction, smiling a little, "I am indebted to your hospitality, but…" she trailed off, and the unfinished sentence hung in the air for a moment before she continued, "I cannot finish my task by remaining here."

"And once you finish your task I doubt you will return," Glorfindel added.

Caroline nodded. "It's not that it isn't amazing here, it's just," she paused, trying to think of how to phrase it, "It's not home, though I don't think that quite gets the feeling right. It's more of not knowing when I will go home, if I will go home, and what will happen if I do go home, do you know what I mean?"

"Many in this time know exactly what you mean, Caroline," Glorfindel responded, not unkindly.

Caroline shook her head, and tried to explain again. "Not in the sense of war has destroyed my village or something like that," she said, and hastened to add upon seeing the Look he was giving her, "Oh, I don't mean to belittle that or anything. It's just that I know that I still have a home somewhere. I know that my family is still alive somewhere and that they must be worried sick about me. Or else, there's the other infinitely more frightening thought that they have forgotten about me. Can't you see how terrifying that is? And what's more, I'm expected to do something. I am expected to return all these people to normal and I just don't know if I can do it! How am I supposed to do something that is so impossible?"

Glorfindel continued to give her the Look. She sighed, knowing full well what he was thinking. "Okay, you know what, you're a warrior and an elf to boot. You're _supposed_ to be all courageous and stuff. I, however, am a teenage girl and by definition that means shallow, petty, annoying, and scared shitless in the face of this stuff, despite what some of us would have you believe."

"You have every right to be terrified, Caroline," Glorfindel said calmly, "but Mithrandir said you will get home, so you can safely assume you will get home."

Caroline slumped in her chair and buried her face in her arms. "I know," she mumbled, "and I wouldn't be complaining, but I'm just so tired!"

She heard the sound of metal scraping against wood and looked up to see he'd pushed her plate towards her. "Eat. It will do you good," he told her firmly.

She smiled at him sheepishly and picking up fork began to eat her mashed potatoes. Of course, they were a bit cold by this time, but they were good anyway, and she found she had more of an appetite than she had anticipated as she finished her plate within a few minutes and went for seconds. Glorfindel watched the entire thing with a rather amused air. As she shoveled a forkful of meat into her mouth she paused long enough to send him a good natured glare.

Eventually, Lindir, Merenil, and Feredir stopped their conversation in Sindarin, and Lindir tipped his chair back so he could look around Merenil. "So, Caroline, is it?" he asked, friendly.

She tipped her chair back as well. "Hello."

"You do not seem particularly insane," he remarked.

"How can you tell? I've only said one word to you, not counting the ones when I'm assuming you were Sued."

He shrugged. "I always assumed that someone who was insane would greet me with something a little more out there than 'hello,'" he replied.

"Yes, well, I am always astonishing myself. It is the only thing that makes life worth living," Caroline said, letting her chair fall back down onto all fours with a thump.

"That seems rather flippant, I can think of plenty of other things worth living for," Lindir said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"You can? Me too," Caroline said, looking thoughtful. "That's probably because those words are not, in fact, mine. Those are the words of the esteemed Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde. God, the man was a genius."

"Who?" Lindir asked, obviously confused.

"A playwright mainly. He also wrote a poem and a novel and quite a few short stories. I love quoting him. He's just so quotable!" She yawned as she finished her statement, and rested her head in her arms again, deciding to continue the conversation from this position.

"Should I have heard of him?" Lindir pulled his chair out and around so that he was now between Merenil and Caroline.

"No, he's after your time."

"I see."

"Yep. Hey, Merenil, can I go to bed?"

Merenil looked at Caroline, surprised, "It's barely the evening; do you want to sleep already?"

"Yes," Caroline answered, deeming no further explanation necessary.

"No, you should stay for there are many questions we have yet to ask you!" Lindir protested. Caroline shot him a look that could wither Old Man Willow. She was quite unaware that she had just managed to perfectly reproduce the Elvish Death Glare of Doom™, but Merenil made a mental note not to cross a tired Caroline. It seemed a bit risky.

"You can ask me questions in the morning. Now, I want to sleep," Caroline said firmly. She did not, of course, mention that she also wanted some time to herself to come to terms with the fact that it might be months before she returned home, but it was part of her reasoning.

"Come, I only have a few questions about the world that you are from!" Lindir protested. "I'm curious about the technology and such. There is only so much that one can learn whilst stuck in the Black Hall."

Caroline sighed, knowing that this would be stirring up all those thoughts of home she had hoped to avoid. Feredir shot her a pitying glance. "It's better to get it over with," he said in a stage whisper. "Then he leaves you alone about it later."

"Shut the hell up, Feredir. I didn't ask for your advice, and I don't _want_ your advice," Caroline snapped, angrily. She regretted it though when she saw Feredir looking rather taken aback and realized that she had probably just reversed any chances they had had of becoming friends. She shrugged it off as a small loss, deciding he was a bit annoying for her tastes anyway.

"Please, Caroline? Just a few questions?" Lindir insisted.

Caroline relented with a groan and settled herself more comfortably in her chair. "Okay, what do you want to know?" she asked tiredly.

"Well, for starters, what exactly is a sell fone? I hear them mentioned all the time in the hall."

"It's cell phone. And they're devices you use to talk to people who are far away." Caroline answered.

"So like a Palantír?"

"No, not exactly," Caroline sighed, helping herself to more food. Dear God, but this was going to be a long night.


	10. Councils are BORING

_*waves awkwardly* With my impeccable timing, I managed to schedule my posts so that I'm posting something on tenth anniversary of 9/11. I would try to say something, but everything I try to write comes out sounding either forced or condescending or just bad. So, I'll just offer my sincerest condolences for those who lost anyone and leave it at that._

_On a much lighter note, I managed to get the chapter up on time, again! Thank you to Certh for Betaing and to all my reviewers._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Ten: Councils are BORING<strong>

Caroline woke up late the next morning to the sound of excited voices from somewhere outside. Rolling out of bed with a flop, she went to the window, rubbing her eyes. Bouncing around happily outside were four hobbits.

"What the hell?" she muttered to herself. She was sure it had taken more than a single day for Elrond to heal Frodo. Despite this there was a bouncy happy Elijah Wood look-a-like greeting his friends outside. She banged her head against the wall with a groan. Apparently Leggieluver has screwed with the timeline when it came to Frodo. Of course. It wouldn't do to keep the readers waiting while Sornif wandered around Rivendell and maybe got some character development.

Caroline turned away from the window and the happy bouncy hobbits, and rummaged in her wardrobe for a dress. Admittedly, she found dresses a bit annoying, but she figured it was better to fit in in a place like this. Slipping into another one of the incredibly soft dresses, she was relieved to find that this one she could actually get into without anyone's help. Now, if only she could remember the directions to the damn kitchens…

Unfortunately, Caroline did not get a chance to try her luck again in finding the kitchens (though, this may have been to the benefit of any stray rangers who happened to be wandering around Rivendell…). Instead she was accosted by Legolas as she exited her room, braiding her hair. Bowing he said, "Good morning, Lady Caroline! May I ask how you slept?"

"I slept fine, thank you for asking," she answered stiffly, watching him in disgust.

He offered her his arm, an act that coming from anyone else she would have found chivalrous and cute, but she simply glared at him in blatant disdain. His face fell a bit at the snub, but being forced to be in love with her he soon bounced back.

"Lady Caroline, there is the Council today. You must come to it! Surely, you shall be very important!" he said, cheerfully, as he grabbed her hand and dragged her down the hall, her hair quickly falling out of it's braid. Yep, the day was off to a wonderful start.

~O~O~

Legolas pulled Caroline into the pavilion where the council was being held. Everyone else was entering as well, and Caroline groaned at the realization that everyone looked like their corresponding actors. Except the dwarves. They looked closer to how she had imagined them. Huh. Maybe she could pull off some sort of mass turn-back with the dwarves' help…

Elrond saw her arriving and gave her a look that clearly said "You were not invited, puny mortal. Get thee out of here!" At least, that's how Caroline interpreted the look. She gestured helplessly at Legolas who was still holding her wrist. Elrond seemed to understand and turned back to the council.

Glorfindel smiled at her from his seat where he was busy looking regal and impressive. She gave a half-hearted wave back, suddenly regretting getting out of bed that morning.

Soon enough the council was started.

It was much more interesting than she had anticipated to actually be there for the council. Or it was for the first ten minutes. After a while she had to start reminding herself that this was history being made here and to keep watch before Legolas managed to volunteer her for the task of taking the Ring to Mordor. Naturally, most of the interesting parts of the council were skipped, such as Gloin talking about the dwarves returning to Moria and Boromir speaking of the dream, but the entire thing continued to drag on and on until Caroline was practically nodding in her sleep.

It was when Elrond was speaking that Caroline really paid the most attention. She, of course, knew what had happened with the forging of the Rings and with Celebrimbor, but to hear the tale told by someone who was a master of lore and remembered it was something else entirely. Not to mention, the way he told it was spectacular in and of itself.

Soon after Elrond stopped speaking, Bilbo was called upon to speak and tell of his adventures. With what Caroline perceived as a little too much excitement, he recounted the tale that Caroline had known since she was a child. He, at least, seemed to be in character, for which Caroline thanked her lucky stars. Once Bilbo sat down again, Frodo stood up to speak. At Elrond's insistence, the little Elijah Wood look-a-like retold the story of the journey from Hobbiton to Rivendell. His account was, of course, faithful to the movie rather than to the book, but Caroline contented herself with the fact that it was at least faithful to the movie.

Of course, Gandalf's tale of Saruman and such was completely cut out, because really, who wants to read about all that bullshit anyway? At least, that seemed to be Leggieluver's logic. Caroline was also a bit surprised by the fact that Legolas didn't tell about Gollum's escape, before she realized that that had not happened in the movie. This meant that Legolas stayed seating beside her acting like a hyperactive five-year-old for the entire council. Great.

Eventually, they finally came around to the matter of what to actually do with the Ring. By this point, Caroline had stopped listening completely, as she knew the outcome and didn't need to do anything. She was still tired from changing so many people back the day before and she hadn't had anything to eat yet. Dimly, she heard Glorfindel suggesting that they throw it into the sea and that idea being quickly shot down. Idly, she wondered what would happen if someone possessed both the Ring and the Silmaril. Or what if the Silmaril and the Ring happened to bump into each other under the sea? Would they explode? Would the goodness of the Silmaril destroy the evilness of the Ring? Would they create a talking crab with a Jamaican accent to sing Under the Sea? There was an interesting theory…

Soon enough, Boromir was proposing to use the Ring and being generally more of an idiot than he ever was in the book or the movie. Caroline was almost positive that Boromir never actually mumbled to himself "And then I shall have the Ring for myself! Muahahahah!"

It did not take long though, for the conversation to turn towards destroying the Ring. "…This quest may be attempted by the weak with as much hope as the strong. Yet such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere," Elrond said, exactly as Tolkien had written.

But then, rather than Bilbo standing up and volunteering to go, Legolas stood up quickly. "I think it is clear to all present," he said, sounding imperious, "that there is only one good candidate to bring the Ring to Mordor."

Caroline looked up from where she had been half asleep, dreading Legolas's next words.

"You say that the weak should do this task," Legolas continued, "but I say you are wrong! Clearly, the only person who can possibly hope to achieve this task is sitting next to me right now. Only Caroline shall be able to bear this burden!"

"Oh, for the love of God, will you sit down and shut up, you idiot elf?" Caroline snapped, irritably. "I'm not going on the damn quest. I can't walk three miles without passing out from exhaustion. While some present may be able to simply walk into Mordor, I cannot, especially as out of shape as I am."

"But, Lady Caroline!" Legolas began to protest. He was cut off however, by a roar of laughter coming from Boromir.

"A woman? Take the Ring to Mordor?" he asked, tears of mirth streaming down his face. Caroline was rather annoyed by this. She could easily see where this was going and, boy, was Leggieluver going to pay. "The plan had not a fool's hope before, yet now you think to put the Ring in the hands of a woman? Why within a day she would succumb to the power you speak of and warn me against. She would quickly fall into darkness. After all, it was woman who brought sin into the world by eating of the apple in the-"

"AGH!" Caroline's scream of frustration stopped Boromir in his tracks. Angrily she stood up. "I am going to kill her!" she yelled, raging at the sky. "Dammit, Leggieluver, you're going to pay!" She rounded furiously on Boromir. "You, you are not a sexist pig! You are not a Christian! You are a great, wonderful warrior! You are- you are-" trying to calm down she breathed deeply, counting to ten still standing in the middle of the council. Calmed down, if only slightly, she began to sing:

_Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot  
>He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin<br>He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways  
>Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin<br>He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp  
>Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken<br>To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away  
>And all his limbs hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin<br>His head smashed in and his heart cut out  
>And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged<br>And-_

"Stop! Stop! Caroline! Enough!" Glorfindel yelled, over her loud (and slightly off-key) singing.

"Aw, I was just getting to the good part!" she complained, smirking at the slightly disoriented looks on most people's faces. The mass change-back was a success. Hooray! Specifically, the future fellowship members looked more like themselves than they had before. Specifically Boromir and Aragorn. Gandalf also was completely turned back to normal, and was chuckling a little as he lit up a pipe. Frodo looked distinctly less Elijah Wood like, but not completely normal. That sunk Caroline's spirits a little. She would have to work on him more. Or maybe he was like Legolas and couldn't be completely changed back until everything else was. That sounded plausible.

"I see you've pretty well figured out how to turn people back," Gandalf commented as Caroline slumped back in her seat, suddenly exhausted.

"You never said it would be this exhausting, Gandalf," she answered.

"I never said it would not be."

"Would it be in bad taste for me to do a Gollum impression?"

"Yes."

"I see. I believe we were somewhere in the middle of an important thing. Elrond was saying something and then if my memory serves something else was supposed to happen. I think we should carry on from there, don't you think?" Caroline asked, being very specific, as usual.

Luckily, Elrond seemed to understand and repeated the last thing he had said. "This quest may be attempted by the weak with as much hope as the strong. Yet such is oft the course of deeds that move the wheels of the world: small hands do them because they must, while the eyes of the great are elsewhere."

This time, Bilbo did stand up. "Very well, very well, Master Elrond!" he said, and Caroline settled back into her chair happily, glad that events were once again, on track.

~O~O~

Caroline watched in envy as most of the people from the council left for other parts of the Rivendell, specifically the kitchens. She still had not had anything to eat and would no doubt have been joining them, had it not been for the pointed look that Elrond had given her as he and Gandalf had remained in their seats. She took that to mean she should stay as well and had done so reluctantly.

Soon enough, most everyone had left, with the exception of Elrond, Gandalf, and Glorfindel (it had taken a little convincing to get Legolas out, i.e. telling him to get out or wake up with a spider in his bed; surprisingly, the threat worked). They all were watching her steadily. She was watching the floor steadily. A line of ants crawled past her feet and she idly reached down and let one crawl onto her finger, where she studied it intently until some politely cleared their throat. Gently, she put her finger down and let the ant crawl away, looking apprehensively at the two powerful Elf Lords and the Istar that sat across from her.

"Hello," she said finally, breaking the silence. "Can we keep this short? I'm about to starve to death."

"Caroline, what you did with returning everyone to normal was impressive. It takes power to so easily change people," Gandalf began.

"Meh. Not my power, 'twas the power of Monty Python," Caroline responded, shrugging.

"A trick like that will not work twice," Gandalf warned. "But I am sure you already knew that, didn't you?" Caroline nodded. "There are other people who still need to be turned back. Rivendell is only the beginning."

"I know," Caroline sighed. "I had hoped, but I had doubted it."

"Sauron is not the only threat to Middle-earth," Elrond took up the conversation now. "If people cannot defend themselves then they shall fall all the more easily. From what we saw in the hall, Rivendell will not be the only place affected. Everywhere is. Even our past is to some extent, though that is really not our concern as it apparently is not in this reality."

"I can see where you are going with this, Master Elrond," Caroline said, glancing down at the ants again. "I have thought of it already myself. I can't do anything more by staying in Rivendell. You forget that even if I were reluctant to do it for the sake of Middle-earth, I need to do it to return to my own home."

"So what do you intend to do?" Glorfindel asked, eyebrows raised. "You just said that you can barely walk three miles."

"That was just an exaggeration!" Caroline said defensively. "I can walk at least five!"

"You are hardly cut out for taking on such a task by yourself," Glorfindel responded, giving her a somewhat condescending look.

"Why, Glorfy? Was that an offer to come along?" Caroline asked, gleefully.

"Certainly, if you require my assistance."

Caroline smiled at him wistfully. Why couldn't people in her world be that chivalrous? Unfortunately… "You can't come with me. You are far too important. We need unimportant people to go with me. Well, not unimportant people, but people who aren't important in the quest of the Ring. Like Merenil."

"I'm important in the quest for the Ring?" Glorfindel asked skeptically.

"Well, not exactly, but look, you're a big powerful warrior-type person. You're obviously going to be important somehow."

"But you cannot possibly hope to go with only Merenil!"

"Who do you propose to go with me then?"

Glorfindel got a positively evil gleam in his eye. "Isn't it obvious? Who better than Feredir?"


	11. The Importance of Master Samwise

_Well, hello. I have about a couple things to apologize for when it comes to this week. First off, I'm sorry that this chapter is a week late. I blamed school and homework. Second, I apologize for what I have done to Sam. I disgust myself, frankly. Honestly, Mornen if this doesn't convince you to stay, I don't know what will. Sam fans read at your own risk._

_Seriously, I am sorry about the delay. The important thing is that I got it up very soon, all things considered, especially when you look at how long some of my other stories can go without being challenged. Also, this chapter is slightly longer that the rest, being just 70 words short of 3,000 words (author's note and title not included)._

_The sad thing is, I was completely serious about Sam. The first time he's obviously out of character, but he's just such a hard character to write well... I ended up with the book open next to me, trying to get his speech patterns right. Oh well, tell me what I did wrong with him: I usually am fine with going back and editing._

_P.S. All my thoughts are now in a British accent. This is apparently what happens when you watch Doctor Who until 5 o'clock in the morning..._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eleven: The Importance of Master Samwise<strong>

Caroline shifted nervously as Feredir looked at her incredulously. "Do you honestly expect me to just up and leave?" he asked finally.

"Well, of course! That's the idea. You make sure I don't kill someone by accident, and you get to come with me and see the rest of Middle-earth! Just think of everything we can see! We have to go to Lórien, because Galadriel is probably screwed up, and Mirkwood, because I _know_ Thranduil's screwed up, and Gondor, because Faramir and Denethor are probably screwed up, and…" she trailed off at the skeptical look on his face. "This isn't convincing you at all, is it?"

He shook his head, obviously trying very hard not to grin. "No. Not really. Nor do I think you would find it very convincing."

"Well, let me rephrase it then. I don't expect you to go. Glorfindel expects you to go. And honestly, that guy scares Nazgûl, killed a Balrog, and came back from the dead. I would do what he says," Caroline answered flatly.

"That… is slightly more convincing," Feredir said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully and sitting down on the bed. "But why me in particular? Why not some great Elf lord? Why not him?"

Caroline gave him a look that very clearly said "you are an idiot, aren't you?" He glared back. "Well, he did offer, but he's a big powerful Elf lord. He's going to end up being important somehow, no doubt. I can't steal him!"

"And you can steal me?" Feredir asked, skeptically.

"Well, of course! The only named Dúnadan in the whole series, besides Aragorn, is Halbarad! Presumably you won't be too terribly important. Worse come to worse, we'll get you to where you need to be on time," Caroline answered.

"That is terribly reassuring, Caroline," Feredir said dryly.

"Yeah, that's kinda the point. So, are you going to come and help?"

"Well, I don't know, you are rather annoying. I think I might be forced to kill you if I spend more than an hour with you."

"Oh, it's not that bad! Look, we've been holding this conversation for a couple minutes and you have yet to try and harm me!" Caroline flopped down on the bed next to him and propped herself up on her elbow, looking at him pointedly.

"And yet, each moment I spend near you, it gets more and more tempting to do so."

"Love you too, Fery!" Caroline replied cheerfully as Feredir winced.

"Do. Not. Call me that," he growled, dangerously.

"Why not? I like that name!" He just glared at her. "So, are you coming or not?" she asked, sitting up and poking him in the side.

"Give me an hour or two to decide. I must speak to Elrond. In the meantime, go annoy someone else."

Caroline shrugged, entirely unconcerned. "All right. I have stuff I should do before we leave Rivendell, and I need to convince Merenil to get me some pants. There is no way I'm trekking all over Middle-earth in a dress, no matter what Sornif might be able to pull off." Without waiting for a response, she attempted to sweep out of the room and shut the door behind her. Unsurprisingly, all she managed to do was trip and fall. Quickly, she pushed herself back to her feet and continued out the door.

~O~O~

After leaving Feredir, Caroline realized that, once again, she had no idea where the hell she was going. She couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Leggieluver was still in control of the story and was doing it on purpose. She quickly dismissed that thought, however, on the grounds that Leggieluver probably didn't realize how much control she actually had over the story, if she had any at all. Of course, Caroline failed to realize the possibility of another author controlling the story, but that is easily forgiven.

It was because she was lost (and noticing the recurring pattern) that she wasn't paying attention to where she was going and bumped into a hobbit. He had a sort of "a-hur-dur-dur" look on his face and his eyes seemed to be fixed somewhere in the middle-distance. His mouth was slightly open, a little bit of drool sliding down his chin. All together this gave the impression extreme stupidity and Caroline felt her blood begin to boil as she realized who this character must be. After all, what other Lord of the Rings character was ever portrayed as just that idiotic?

"Oh, 'scuse me, Miss! I was just tryin' find mah master, Miss. 'ave you seen 'im, Miss? I'm just so worried about not seeing 'im! I need to find 'im Miss!"

Caroline raked a hand through her hair. Honestly, Leggieluver deserved a painful, painful death. Nevertheless, she tried to gather the last shreds of her patience. Yelling at Legolas was one thing. It was an entirely different thing to yell at the hobbit in front of her: she loved him too much. "Of course I'll help you find your master. Or I would if it weren't that I am lost myself at the moment. Doesn't matter though. Let's talk a bit first."

The hobbit shifted nervously from foot to foot. "I dunno, Miss. It don't feel right to be away from 'im for very long."

Caroline smiled brightly and put a hand on the hobbit's shoulder, forcefully guiding him over to an alcove in the wall with a bench in it and making him sit down. "I'm sure your master won't mind if you wait a few more minutes. In fact, I suspect he is talking with old Bilbo. How'd you manage to lose him anyway?"

The hobbit, who could be none other than Samwise Gamgee (actually, according to Leggieluver he was Samuel Gamgi, but that isn't the point), blushed bright red. "We went to lunch, Miss," he began.

"Something I haven't had yet. Hey, you're a hobbit, do you have any extra food on you?" Caroline ignored the little voice in her head going "That's racist Caroline! Don't stereotype!"

Sam pulled a loaf of bread out of nowhere and handed it to her. She munched somewhat happily as he continued. "And then I stopped to get some more foods, like what you've got thar, and when I turned back, 'e was gone!"

"Ah, a common blunder. I do the same thing quite frequently," Caroline commented. "Anyway, what's your name, Master Hobbit?"

Sam blushed bright red at being called Master Hobbit and looked down at the tops of his hairy feet. "I really 'aven't been called by a name for a while, Miss. I'm unimportant, see? I'm just a gardener."

Caroline's eyes widened in horror and she opened her mouth to say something before closing it again and taking a few deep breaths. Maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought. Maybe she had imagined those last couple sentences. She resisted the urge to get up, grab the poor creature, and shake him while yelling, "Samwise you are the most important part of the plot besides Gollum. Where would Frodo have gotten without you? Don't you dare say you are unimportant! Frodo of the Nine Fingers my foot. I want that Sam Gamgee that went the whole way with him!" Unfortunately, that tactic would probably do more harm than good, though the temptation to do it was extremely strong.

Instead she went with a much more subtle route. "Sam, do you like poetry?"

"Poetry? What is poetry?"

Caroline closed her eyes for a moment and took several more deep breaths. "Excuse me for a moment. Stay. There."

"Okay…" Sam answered, confused.

Caroline smiled stiffly and rushed outside where she disappeared from sight within a few moments. A second later Sam heard something that sounds suspiciously like a young girl yelling "Poetry? What is poetry? LEGGIELUVER, I AM SO MAD I AM SPEAKING CAPSLOCK! WITH MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION POINTS! THAT IS HOW MAD I AM! HOW DARE YOU MAKE SAM NOT KNOW WHAT POETRY IS? IT'S LIKE A CENTRAL PART OF HIS CHARACTER! OH, YOU BETTER PRAY THAT I NEVER FIND YOU IN REAL LIFE, BECAUSE THE THINGS I DO TO YOU WILL BE SO UNSPEAKABLE THEY WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO BE TRIED IN A COURT! **THAT IS HOW MAD I AM! **_**GET IT? **__**GET IT?**_"

A minute later, Caroline reappeared, looking perfectly composed and smiling sweetly (if you looked closely, her eyes were slightly deranged, but Sam wasn't really looking closely). Secretly she was annoyed, realizing that using the Song of Beren and Lúthien on Merenil had ruined the tactic she was going to use with Sam anyway. According to Gandalf you could only use a method once.

"Are you all right, Miss?" Sam asked.

She waved his question away though, "I'm fine. Just trying to think of something," she paused, thoughtfully. Well, what was she waiting for? It was hardly like she could make his characterization worse. She was willing to bet at this point that he was completely illiterate too. Only one thing for it.

Abruptly, she stood up, grabbed the poor hobbit by the shoulders and gave him a good shake. "Samwise Gamgee, don't be a fool!" She practically yelled. "You cannot honestly think that you are unimportant! More importantly, how dare you not know what poetry is? That's how you freaking find Frodo in Cirith Ungol! Sure, the movie took out your poetry parts, but what does that matter? TOLKIEN HIMSELF SANG ONE OF YOU SONGS! No, seriously, back home I have a link to it!"

"A link?"

"Never mind. What I mean is you're loyal to Frodo but you are far from dependent on him! You are intelligent! You are common, especially in how you speak, but you are intelligent! Half of your lines make me want to cry! At least, your lines once you get to Mordor. And what about Rosie? How are you supposed to live happily ever after with her if you're this dependent on Frodo?"

Hesitantly, Sam asked, "Who's Rosie?"

"Rosie Cotton! Even in the movies you know who she is! She's mentioned _more_ in the movies than she is in the books! Godda-Sam, come back to me already! What do I have to do to bring you back? Why did I ever waste the poetry thing on Merenil? I should have known you'd be out of character. God, why can't anyone ever be normal here?"

"I'm, I'm sorry, Miss! It's not mah fault, Miss!" Sam responded frantically.

Caroline put her hands to her lips, thinking of what she could possibly do. Finally, she realized there was nothing for it but to reference the events of the quest. The characters had at least a vague memory of the quest, right? "Samwise Gamgee, you are the most well-known hobbit in the Shire, or you will be very soon. You have wounded the spawn of Ungoliant. You have held the light of a Silmaril. You have been mistaken for a great Elven King. You have written poems about trolls. Do not tell me you are unimportant and do not tell me that you don't know what poetry is!"

"I'm sorry, Miss, I don't-"

"SHUT UP! You're Sam Freakin' Gamgee. The fate of Middle-earth weighs just as heavily on your shoulders as it does on Frodo's! Hell, most of the parts with you and Frodo are told from your point of view! So stop saying you don't understand me and stop saying you don't know what I'm talking about because I know that somewhere deep down you do, and I know that you're trapped in the Black Hall, but I don't care because I refuse to continue to see my favorite character so utterly mutilated and destroyed by an idiot like Leggieluver! Especially because that bitch was probably planning to have Sornif upstage you every opportunity and ruin every single great, wonderful, magnificent moment you have. Just… just… GAH!" Caroline's mouth worked for a moment of two more, but she had run out of things to say. She looked at Sam somewhat hopefully.

To her great relief, he looked slightly dazed and was glancing around, confused.

"Sam?" she asked, softly.

"What- what happened? Oh dear, I'm in Rivendell again," Sam sighed, wearily.

"That… was an unexpected response."

Sam blushed a little, "Oh, it's just that the Black Hall is rather nice, compared to having to go on the quest repeatedly."

Caroline's face fell at that and she gasped. "Oh no, I'm sorry! I didn't realize or I would have let you stay until later!"

Sam shrugged, "Like my Gaffer says, it's no use crying over what's already been done. Besides, my memories of the quest will probably fade within a few minutes. That seems to be how it is whenever I return to the beginning like this."

"Has it happened many times?" Caroline asked, dreading the answer.

"Not too many, only when they begin at the beginning and end at the end, if you understand me. And most of the time when they do do that, I'm in the Hall along with Mr. Frodo and the rest of them. Legolas says he rarely leaves the hall now."

Caroline nodded, feeling slightly better that he didn't have to go on the quest so many times over. "I take it you've figured out who I am?"

"The girl that appeared in the hall, I'd guess. Who else?"

"Thank God, you're intelligent again! Oh, hey, I assume you actually do know your way around here, right?"

"I've had enough time to wander about, or I did the first time. It's a peculiar place, this house, but everyone is friendly, and there's always Elves about, singing usually and acting like children. Or else they're looking like kings, if you know what I mean."

Caroline made a face somewhere between a smile and a grimace, "I know exactly what you're talking about. Some of the humans around here are like that too. Could you get me too… hm, where would Lindir be? Merenil is probably talking to him."

"Oh, Lindir is usually by the workshops," Sam answered promptly, "Mr. Bilbo introduced me to him once. He's one of the Elves that are like children, though he's nice as they come. He likes to know how everything works."

"Probably a Noldor," Caroline muttered.

"What?"

"Never mind. Can you show me where the workshops are?"

"Of course, come on!"

~O~O~

Caroline bid farewell to Sam at the workshops, and going inside was surprised at how clean the entire place looked. Of course, these were Elves she was talking about, so she really shouldn't have been all that surprised. She found Lindir talking with Merenil, as expected, and promptly inserted herself in their conversation.

"Hello, Merenil! Lindir! Good to see you! Wonderful day today isn't it? I just love the brisk October days! It's the perfect time for starting a journey, don't you think? You know, the leaves are all nice and golden and you'll probably freeze to death on your way over the mountains. Speaking of which, how does that sound to you Merenil? It sounds great? Wonderful!"

"Caroline, what are you talking about?" Merenil asked, somewhat amused.

"Well you see… I need to go to Lothlórien. And Mirkwood. And Gondor."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. And I need you to come with me."

"Why is that?"

"Because otherwise I'll be stuck with just Feredir!"

Merenil looked distinctly worried by that thought. "Oh, I see. But you've been in Rivendell for so little. Do you really intend to leave so soon?"

"Well, yes. I want to go as soon as I can. The quicker we can get done with changing everyone back in those locations the better."

"And Elrond is aware of this plan?"

"He practically suggested it."

"And Feredir agreed to come along?"

"He said he'd- Oh, speak of the devil." Caroline had glanced over Merenil's shoulder and seen Feredir angrily approaching.

Merenil turned around and saw him advancing as well. Being the intelligent Elf that she was, she was able to immediately recognize the danger, put on her best "let's calm down before I hurt someone" smile, and wait for him to arrive. "Why, hello Feredir! So good of you to join us. Is something wrong?"

Feredir however, completely ignored her and advanced towards Caroline. "You! You little evil, piece of-"

"Feredir! Watch yourself!" Lindir said, sharply.

"You little witch!" Feredir continued at Caroline.

"What did I do?" Caroline asked, for once genuinely confused.

"You made it so I have no choice! I have to go on the quest with you! Even Elrond genuinely expects me to just leave my friends and family unprotected all so I can go along with you on your stupid little adventure, which I doubt you think of as more than a frolic in the woods! You do realize there is a war going on here, right?"

"Of- of course I do!"

"Every soldier is needed. And yet I'm being sent off on a stupid, unimportant, little joke all because of you!" Without another word, Feredir turned on his heel and stormed off.

There was a beat of silence. Finally, Caroline spoke, "What was that?"

Merenil was staring in the direction Feredir and gone. "I don't know. Obviously he didn't want to go with you."

"But he seemed fine before!"

Lindir leaned back against a table. "You'd be surprised how well he lies. He was probably hoping Elrond would tell him he didn't have to go. Apparently, Elrond told him he did."

Caroline hrmphed. "Well, there is really only the one option, then isn't there? Clearly, this means war!"


	12. The Old Man and the Unicorn

_*Walks out sheepishly*_

_*Is pelted with rotten tomatoes*_

_*Hides behind table*_

_Well. Hello there. I'm late. Very late. Very, very, late. I could give excuses, I suppose, like homework and stuff, but it's not strictly speaking true. Please don't hate me. At least I have updated now!_

_*Is pelted with cabbages this time*_

_Okay! OKAY! I'm sorry for leaving you guys hanging like that. I'm not going to promise that it won't happen again, but I will try to update at least once a month. Feel free to throw more rotten vegetables/fruit at me if I fail._

_Without any further ado, I present to you chapter 12!_ _Oh, and I promise that next chapter they're going to finally start they're quest thingy._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12: The Old Man and the <strong>**Unicorn**

Caroline was in her room, trying to figure out exactly how to pack for her trip when Merenil came in and leaned against the doorframe. "Having a bit of trouble?"

Caroline huffed, blowing a bit of hair out of her face. "Well, I don't exactly have anything to pack. Also, I need some pants. I refuse to do this all in a dress."

"Someone is sounding oddly Sue-like…" Merenil sing-songed, grinning at the annoyed expression on Caroline's face.

"Oh hush. Do you really want to see my getting my skirts tangled in every single branch we come across?"

"Fair enough, I suppose. I'll see what I can do. Do you have any idea what your measurements would be? And you do realize we are not going to be able to leave today, right?"

Caroline scowled, "We have to get going as soon as possible. I mean, it's great here and all, but I do want to get home as soon as I can."

Merenil smiled gently, "Oh, come on. You're in Rivendell! The Last Homely House! Relax for a while; enjoy yourself!"

"Enjoying yourself is for n00bs," Caroline deadpanned in response, neatly pronouncing the two zeros.

"I doubt you really believe that," Merenil moved to stand next to Caroline.

"Well, not really. But I want to get to these places before the war hits full force. Imagine what will happen if war comes to Mirkwood and Thranduil is a greedy old man who values gold over his people's lives," Caroline said, looking disgusted.

Merenil paled, "My mother lives in Mirkwood."

"Exactly my point. We have to go as soon as we can!" Caroline turned to Merenil, pleadingly. "Besides, this is, what, my third day here? What about my family! They must be frantic! And I miss them, Merenil. I miss them so much. I didn't choose to leave them, I was forced here. If I could have anything in the world right now it would to be go home and hug my family. I miss junk food and I miss the internet and I miss my iPod and I miss my own bed. Do you have any idea what this is like for me?"

Merenil put her hand comfortingly on Caroline's shoulder. "It's okay, Caroline. You will get home, I promise you."

"It's just…" Caroline's voice was slightly watery. "Look I already talked to Glorfindel about it, okay? I'll just have to get this done and it will all go away."

"Homesickness does not go away just by talking about it once, you know, Caroline," Merenil responded.

"But what if I don't get home? What if I am trapped here forever? I can't do that Merenil! I mean, what if I can't even get everyone back to normal? What if I get so tired from it that I die? What if we get attacked by orcs and I die? What will my family think? What if I get everything back to normal and I still don't get home?"

Merenil looked Caroline directly in the eye, a firm calmness about her. "Stop it, Caroline. Mithrandir said that you would get home so you will get home. Do not doubt him and do not doubt yourself either."

"Okay," whispered Caroline and suddenly she was crying and Merenil was pulling her into a hug and sitting them both down on the bed. The elf was a good head taller than Caroline and rested her chin on Caroline's hair as Caroline sobbed into her shoulder.

"It's okay, it's okay. I know. I know," Merenil whispered soothingly. After a few minutes, Caroline sat up still sniffling and rather red eyed.

"I- I'm sorry… It's just all a lot. And talking to Glorfindel helped before, but he's a guy, well, sort of, at least, and he doesn't really know how to be helpful about this stuff."

"Caroline, you've only been here for three days. It's a lot to take in."

Caroline smiled weakly and wiped at her eyes, "I think you've changed even since I changed you back."

Merenil nodded, grinning, "Oh, I think you did a terrible job turning me back to myself and it wasn't until I saw Glorfy that I was startled back to myself. Also, your informal speech patterns seem to be contagious."

Caroline lightly hit Merenil's arm, before standing up and stretching. "Maybe you're right. And I suppose I can hang out here for a week or two before we leave. Who knows? Tolkien was friends with C.S. Lewis so maybe no time will pass between when I left and when I get back. I'm at the Last Homely House. I should just relax."

"Oh, yes…" Merenil looked sheepish. "I intended to tell you when I came in, but you distracted me. There has been a bit of a problem."

"What kind of problem?" Caroline asked warily, glaring at Merenil for messing up her brief bout of optimism.

"There are two, actually. It's probably better if I just show you…"

~O~O~

Caroline stared in horror at the scene in front of her for a moment before turning on her heel and attempting to walk away. Unfortunately, Merenil grabbed her sleeve and prevented her from going anywhere. "Caroline! You cannot just walk away!"

"I can and I will. Let go of me!" Caroline huffed, angrily.

"Just think, changing him back again gets you one step closer to going home!"

"But I already changed him! Why Leggieluver? Why? What did I ever do besides tell the truth?" Caroline considered falling dramatically to her knees, but decided against it upon realizing how hard the floor would be.

"Caroline, he is just going to get worse if you leave him. You have to do something." Merenil responded sternly.

Caroline sighed dramatically before turning around reluctantly and walking back. Merenil followed smugly.

"So, how is it that he is back like this? What happened? And you said there were two problems. What else happened?" Caroline asked as she assessed the scene in front of her.

"I don't know what happened and let's just deal with this first and the other problem later," Merenil answered evasively.

"Hmph. You're absolutely no help," Caroline huffed. "I mean, why do I have to be the one to turn him back to normal? Why can't you do it?"

"Believe me, I tried. I cannot do it. I think it has to be you."

"Crap. Okay. Give me a minute to think. Hmmm…" Caroline looked thoughtful before picking up a rock and chucking it at Gandalf, because naturally Gandalf had changed back to Leggieluver's version.

Sued!Gandalf turned around sharply, squinting and leaning heavily on his staff. "Eh? Who threw a rock at me? Was it you, lassie?"

"Oi, this is worse than I thought it was going to be," Caroline muttered to herself. "Nope! Wasn't me! It was a passing eagle. They don't like you very much, you know."

"Those darned eagles! Always getting in my way and being mean to me!"

"They were helped by a big man that changed into a bear," Caroline deadpanned.

"Eh? Don't you know there aren't no shape changers in Middle-earth? Speaking of which, little girl, what are you doing in Middle-earth? Oh, of course! Your Elrond's long-lost daughter. Come on, dearie, there's something that I have to show you. Did you know that I'm the one that brought you to your family in the other world?" Gandalf smiled blankly.

Caroline looked less than amused as she picked up another rock and used it to knock off Gandalf's hat. "Nah, I think I can see where this is going and I don't really feel like playing King Arthur today, thank you very much."

"King Arthur?" Merenil asked, bemused.

"Yeah, he was brought to live with a lower family when he was a baby by the wizard Merlin. Look, just wait until Christianity comes around and the Saxons start invading, okay?"

"The Saxons?"

"Yeah, they're across the channel in France. Well, it's Gaul right now… And actually they're more up in Germany. You know what? Forget I said anything. It's unimportant. And possibly not correct."

"Is it possible for you to actually focus, Caroline?"

"Oh, right. Mithrandir is still an old coot, isn't he?"

"You're talking about a very powerful-"

"I don't care, okay? I just want food. And sleep. And to get home."

Gandalf naturally chose that moment to interrupt. "Sornif, it's very important that you-"

"MY NAME IS NOT SORNIF!" Caroline rounded on him angrily. "All right listen, you meddling old wizard. How dare you change back on me? I got everyone back to normal, with the obvious exception of a certain blond dingbat, and I was going to relax for maybe a week before going and changing the rest of this damn world back so I could go home, just like you told me to! So pay close attention, Gandalf or Mithrandir or Stormcrow or Olórin or whatever the hell you want me to call you, because I won't repeat myself. This world needs you and you better damn well get back to it or I _will_ be forced to do something extremely stupid like trying to have a tea party with a Balrog so it doesn't kill the Fellowship."

"A tea party?" Merenil interrupted, incredulously.

"We're in England! I think. Anyway! Get back here Gandalf if only so that I can properly chew you out for leaving again in the first place!"

"You really shouldn't have used the name Olórin, you know," Gandalf smiled gently and leaned on his staff.

"You're back," Caroline sounded very enthusiastic.

"I've been back since Stormcrow."

"I hate you."

"Hate is a rather strong word. And I doubt you mean that, after all you had me as one of your imaginary friends when you were little."

Caroline turned bright red. "How- How do you know that?" she stammered.

Gandalf just smiled knowingly.

Merenil watched the conversation with an amused air before butting in. "I hate to interrupt, as this is very fascinating to watch and possible the best entertainment I've seen since you met Feredir, but I will point out that I did mention the existence of a second problem."

"Tell me it's not another character I have to change back."

"It is not."

"Oh, thank God. What is it then?"

"It's… Well… Something has appeared and we think it is for you, or at least for Sornif. We are unsure of what we should do with it."

"I don't think I like the sound of that…" Caroline responded cautiously.

"Come then and I will show you."

~O~O~

"What the hell is that doing here?"

"We were hoping you could tell us what it is," Merenil responded evenly.

"It's a freaking unicorn. What the hell is it doing here?"

"Like we have any idea. It just appeared. What do you think we should do with it?"

"Kill it. Kill it with fire."

"It doesn't seem right to just kill it…"

"I don't care. It needs to die. It's a Sue animal and is therefore making canon worse. Kill it. Now." Naturally the unicorn chose that moment to come up to Caroline and rub against her in what was probably supposed to be a friendly gesture. "With. Fire."

"Maybe we could just let it go in the wild and then it would disappear when, what did you call it in the hall, canon reverts?"

"Yeah, but it would take longer for canon to revert!" Caroline whined. "And I don't like it. It's a unicorn. There are two interpretations of unicorns. Either they're innocent creatures who like virgins and are slaughtered by nobility, or they're bloodthirsty beasts who gore things with their horns. This one is obviously the latter."

Merenil glanced doubtfully at the unicorn rubbing against Caroline. Its horn was blunt and polished, its coat was white and spotless, and its lion tail swished back and forth innocently. "I think it looks like the former."

"Fine. Compromise. We bring it to a random band of orcs and have them kill it. With fire."

"And the guarantee that they won't kill us instead?"

"We offer up Feredir as well?"

"You are a terrible person."

"I know."

"Feredir is my friend."

"… Sorry…." Caroline scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"But, in all seriousness, what should we do about the unicorn? Killing it seems inhumane."

"Fine, fine," Caroline said, sounding disappointed. "Just kick it out of Rivendell and hope that some orcs pick it up. Happy?"

"It still doesn't seem right…"

"Fine!" Caroline threw her hands up in the air. "Do whatever you want with it. Just make sure that damn thing stays well away from me." With that, Caroline stomped away from the unicorn and in the general direction of the kitchen.

Shrugging, Merenil led the unicorn to another elf and gave quiet instructions to simply release it in the woods, before following after Caroline to prevent any inadvertent murders.


	13. A Look into the Mind of Leggieluver123

_Well, technically I am getting SOMETHING up before January is over. Barely. At least, in my timezone January isn't over yet. Eheh._

_I apologize for this, but the real chapter was impossible to finish due to real life ganging up on me. Also, as a few of you know, rather than spending tonight finishing the chapter, I spent it writing a piece with which to win a $3,000 scholarship. Does that count as an excuse?_

_Please accept this as a peace offering. My lovely fanfiction slave- I mean my lovely friend Danielle spent several hours slaving over this god-awful thing and lost several brai ncells in the process._

_The real chapter will be posted no later than Feb. 2._

_EDIT: And then, of course, this thing doesn't post. Because FF is a stupid, stupid site. Grrr... Anyway, new chapter should be up tomorrow._

* * *

><p><strong>"Where Am I?" an Original Story by Leggieluver123 as stored in the Fanfiction Archives<strong>

**Identification Number 01010011 01101000 01101001 01110100 01110100 01111001 00100000 01100110 01100001 01101110 01100110 01101001 01100011 **

****Caution** This entry has been flagged read at your own risk.**

Sornif entred the felid in the midle of the caltse liek stucrtrue, It wsa opne liek an egales wings. Their weer chiars in an crilce on a ston fllore. It wsA great adn big. Settad weer the 10 menbers of the the follEw shep. a feew shorte dumd dwarfs, the seixt pgi Brormeir, preety legolas,adorabale Frodo an d his meaning less severvant sam or somethin g liek that, it dosent mater he wsa uninprotant.I font evn noe y he wsa hre. gandlf wsa their to, he wsa siiting attHe head of thge crilce. Froda rqan ovr anf loked at Sornif cutely, 'helo my ladie. hw ar u thes evening.'he wnated to now. shee said baCk 'Ima graet froda'

SHe sait ass fra form the sexisy as posibale. He wsa men to hr a lot. seh didint liek hm.

gandlf stopidly sugesttd Tht they gio ut ot trhow tyhe ring in tp teh volvcannoy mount ain thinny of tehh eval gyy thts abig ey thinfg. It was werif. I wsa alne ot do it alnoe. i wnt ot birng Leggy becus he wsa suepr preety full, wth al hsi blnod hiar.

gandlf keept takling wyh dindt he stope? He wsa sooo anoyign! Thwem Legelos stod and siad tht i shuld do it. i do't g4et wyh asy one else wold be goign any way./ little friod siad tht i sould go to,. THid hoel thign wsa soo point lees. The n Mr. seicet sadi rhat I shuildnt go. Hes soo stupuid, he sould dye, hes mena ti ome. he probbablty think s tht ima prissse, I am nit. He stupif, wyh is gandlf afgreeeing? hies stiupd to. idnot. all of them. tyeh stoopd dwrfes dnot evn say any thign. SSllly dwarfs, stuoopsd.

'illl go, itll be esya any wya' I stod adn siad. argeeuments, evey one foght. it, was funy to watch. 'but seh s an gurl!' ;sehs his dughter1' ' swh cnat do it!' ;shr msut1; 'shurt uop sesh goiung, hres teh ring Sornif!;

FrofdA gav the rign tp her adn seh cuahgt in to ehr hanf wtih teh cihan silping aorunf it., Seh qiukcly silpped it aournff hre nek adn ver hre beasted. Evry on stiard at her, seh wsa beauftfkil of cuorse. Sexiet strated ot sporut mroe tihngs abuot me beign a giurl, he reakky wsa anoyign.

Teh mettign endeed adn they al pakced adn letf the next dya. Tehy maed it ot lorain in udner one dya.

* * *

><p><strong>Translation:<strong>

Sornif entered the field in the middle of the castle like structure. It was open like an eagle's wings. There were chairs in a circle on a stone floor. It was great and big. Seated were the ten members of the fellowship, a few short dumb dwarves, the sexist pig Boromir, pretty Legolas, adorable Frodo, and his meaningless servant Sam or something like that. It doesn't matter; he was unimportant. I don't even know why he was here. Gandalf was there too; he was sitting at the head of the circle. Frodo ran over and looked at Sornif cutely, "Hello, my Lady. How are you this evening?" he wanted to know.

She said back, "I'm great, Frodo."

She sat as far from the sexist pig as possible. He was mean to her a lot. She didn't like him.

Gandalf kept talking. Why didn't he stop? He was so annoying! Then, Legolas stood up and said that I should do it. I don't get why anyone else would be going anyway. Little Frodo said that I should go too. This whole thing was so pointless. Then, Mr. Sexist said that I shouldn't go. He's so stupid, he should die. He's mean to me. He probably thinks that I'm a priss. I'm not. He's stupid. Why is Gandalf agreeing? He's stupid too. Idiot. All of them. The silly dwarves don't even say anything. Silly dwarves. Stupid.

"I'll go, it'll be easy anyway," I stood and said. Arguments, everyone fought. It was funny to watch. "But she's a girl!" "She's his daughter" "She can't do it!" "She must!" "Shut up, she's going, here's the ring, Sornif!"

Frodo gave the ring to her, and she caught it in her hand with the chain slipping around it. She quickly slipped it around her neck and over her breasts. Everyone stared at her. She was beautiful, of course. Sexist started to shout more things about me being a girl. He really was annoying.

The meeting ended and the all packed and left the next day. The made it to Lorien in under one day.


	14. Of Goodbyes and Foreknowledge

_So, here is the chapter, as promised. On time, sort of. Well, you know how life is. Anyway, nothing new to report in the world of Insanepersonishappy. Well, briefly on the subject of the scholarship, I was rereading my piece after submitting it and noticed a couple missing commas and that I wrote "reigns" instead of "reins." *insert panic here* Ah well, we'll see what happens, you know? The only reason I even noticed that was because I use the word "reins" in this chapter, so maybe the people reading it won't notice, right? And they won't scrap my piece just for that, will they? Right? RIGHT?_

_Ahem._

_So, without further ado, I present to you the unlucky Chapter 13. If I have to write this again because I get stuck in a Groundhog Day Loop, I will be pissed._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13: Of Goodbyes and Foreknowledge<strong>

The next few weeks in Rivendell passed by in that peculiarly quick fashion that they do when the author doesn't feel like writing them. Legolas remained blond and idiotic, trailing after Caroline like a lost puppy before she finally told him to leave her alone or she would burn all of his clothes. To everyone's amusement, the threat actually worked and Legolas remained in his room cataloguing and crooning to his clothes for the next five days. Almost the entirety of Rivendell was back to normal, and so Caroline herself spent the time getting used to Middle-earth and picking up on a few choice Sindarin phrases (the elves got rather annoyed whenever she entered the kitchen, what with the whole knife fiasco…). Feredir seemed to disappear for the time being, much to Caroline's relief. She figured that they would argue enough on the journey that doing it now was pointless. Merenil, however, was slightly worried, as the last she had seen of Feredir was him storming off angrily.

All things considered, though, the weeks passed in relative ease as the weather took a definite turn for the colder until one day Merenil came into Caroline's room carrying several sets of thick tunics and leggings as well as a lightweight but large and strong canvas bag and a pair of sturdy boots. Caroline shut the heavy book she had been reading (a history on Mirkwood) and looked at Merenil curiously. "What's up?"

"I brought you some warmer clothes," Merenil replied, setting the things down on the bed. "And a bag and some boots."

"Yes, I can see that," Caroline responded warily. "But why?"

"Remember that whole quest thing that you were so anxious about?"

Caroline groaned. "I was just getting comfortable."

Merenil simply quirked an eyebrow, "I was under the impression that you wanted to leave. Well, things are all prepared, and its best to go sooner rather than later. Didn't I tell you this yesterday?"

"Yes, I suppose you did," Caroline rolled off her bed and stood up. "We'd best get started then, shouldn't we?"

It didn't take that long to pack Caroline's stuff, largely because she had very few things to pack other than what Merenil had brought her. She threw in a hairbrush and a dress for good measure and announced she was done.

Merenil looked over the things that Caroline had assembled and looked skeptical. "And how do you plan to survive without taking any food along? Or anything besides clothes?"

Caroline's face fell. "Well, I assumed that you and everyone else would take care of those things since I don't know what should be taken."

Merenil sighed at Caroline's lack of self-reliance, but conceded it was a good point. On top of which, Merenil was not entirely sure that she trusted Caroline with the food or anything important.

"So, when do we leave?" Caroline asked, bouncing back to her normal self with all the resilience of a four year old.

"Tomorrow morning. It's best if we can get an early start. Lindir and I were thinking that we should head to Mirkwood first, then to Lorien, then to Rohan and Gondor. Then we could remain in Gondor until the rest of the Fellowship arrives, if you haven't already managed to return everything to normal and gone home."

Caroline nodded, somewhat distractedly. Homesickness had decreased drastically as she had accepted her new surroundings and she doubted she would cry much about it anymore, but it still flared up painfully at reminders. "Have you seen anything of Feredir? Or is he just going to ditch us and do whatever Feredirs do in their spare time?"

Merenil looked vaguely disapproving as she responded, "Feredir is a close friend and he would not 'ditch' us. He will show up, I promise you that. Please, give him half a chance. He is really not all that bad."

Caroline snorted disbelievingly but said no more on the subject.

She spent the rest of the day feeling somewhat saddened at the prospect of leaving, which was a bit of a surprise. The Fellowship had yet to leave, as it was only November –though, much to Caroline's relief, the elves were canon enough to refer to it as Firith- and the Fellowship did not leave until December. Caroline was to have a month's head start, as the hope was that she would get to the places they would arrive at before they did. Of course, this meant going to Mirkwood first wasn't strictly necessary, but it made sense to go there first, rather than doubling back later on.

She had grown acquainted with most of the Fellowship in the time she had spent in Rivendell. She even unwittingly found herself growing somewhat fond of Boromir. He was generally polite and kind to her and he was so damn noble that she found it difficult not to like the man. And she had most definitely tried not to. After all, within a matter of months he would be dead. It was a strange thought, she decided, as she leaned against the wall, watching him talking with Merry and Pippin, laughing at some story of theirs. No one should have to see the advancing deaths of those they cared for.

She had met Boromir sometime in the few days after the council. She had finally managed to somewhat get her bearings and find her way around Rivendell without getting lost every few seconds and was happily walking back to her room from the library, humming and carrying a large stack of books. Naturally, she had not been looking where she was going and had bumped into the would-be steward of Gondor, her books falling to the floor. She had then said something distinctly unladylike and bent to pick up her books. Much to her surprise, Boromir had bent beside her and gathered some of the books with her. "Sorry, 'bout that," she had muttered. "I'm not usually this clumsy. Well, I am. I don't usually run into people, though. Well, I do. I don't usually- eh, never mind."

He'd given her a warmish smile and helped her to her feet. "I seem to remember seeing you somewhere before."

"Oh yeah, I was the girl in the black hall," she replied off handedly, moving as if to walk away.

"Pardon? What black hall?" He looked at her, confused.

She stopped, not understanding why he didn't remember. "You know, the black hall where you were-" she stopped. "Oh, of course! Of course, of course, of course! You haven't been talking to me! You don't remember because I'm making canon worse for the people I talk to, but only them! And maybe then, only when I bring up the fact that this isn't… er… um. Right. Not going to mention that. I'm Caroline." She stuck out a hand for him to shake, somehow miraculously managing to balance her books.

With a sweeping bow and a somewhat playful smile, he had swept a bow and kissed her hand delicately. She had blushed and fumbled with her books before saying, "Well, that's sweet and all, but really, stop. I can't go getting attached to people in any sort of way. Especially you."

"I am suggesting no such thing. I was merely trying to be polite," he responded.

"No, I know. I mean, of course, I'm only a freshman. Far too young for you. I just- I mean, I can't become friends with you. It wouldn't work and it wouldn't end well."

"Have I done something to offend you?"

"No! No, not at all! Nothing like that! I just… I don't belong here. And I plan to go home soon and friendships will just make everything complicated."

"The way I see it," he said, kindly, "It is better to make friends and grieve their loss than to be always lonely."

Caroline's lips twitched in a sort of half smile. "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all, is what they say where I come from."

"Exactly. Though, I do wish to make it clear that I have no romantic intentions with you," Boromir said.

Caroline laughed nervously. "Nor I with you! Of course not! That would just be strange. Besides we just met. Right. Um. Yeah. Uh. I'm going to go back to my room now before I say something stupid. See you around." She walked off quickly to her room, not risking a glance back. When she had closed the door, she had sunk down to the floor, shutting her eyes and trying to push the thought of the kind man she had just met getting shot down by arrows in a few months' time.

Now, as she watched him, Pippin turned and saw her and grinned. They had bonded over the kitchens, and he waved her over. "Caroline! Do you have any pipe weed? The elves don't smoke and don't have any. I've nearly exhausted my supply and Merry has hidden his."

"Yes, well, after you stole half of mine a week or two back, I'm not trusting you near it," Merry responded, mock glaring at Pippin.

"Sorry," Caroline answered, absently, "I don't smoke either. Have you asked Bilbo?"

Pippin shook his head, "I haven't seen him since yesterday. I suspect he and Frodo are holed up somewhere talking about that blasted Ring," he paused, looking at her face intently. "You look somewhat upset. Is there something wrong?"

Caroline quickly plastered a somewhat fake grin on her face, banishing all thoughts of what the future held for the hobbits and the man in front of her. "Oh, no. Well, yes, but it doesn't really concern you. I'm just leaving tomorrow morning, is all, and I'm somewhat dreading the idea. This place is so… peaceful , I guess, but that isn't really the right word. I've not really been anywhere else, you know?"

Boromir nodded (Caroline had filled him in briefly on the circumstances of her arrival, but only with the barest details), "You feel safe here; that's perfectly reasonable. You don't know what to expect, is that right?"

Caroline nodded, relieved that he understood.

Boromir smiled a little, "I remember when my little brother went on his first patrol. It was his first time out of the city, and he was terrified, sure that every shadow was an orc coming to kill us all."

"Yes, and I'm sure you were much better on your first trip out," Caroline answered, grinning.

"In my defense, we were actually attacked by orcs…"

The rest of the day was spent in comfortable companionship with the people that she would not be seeing again for several months, or indeed ever again in some cases.

That night, as she lay in bed, she cried herself to sleep, dreading Boromir's fate and knowing that there was nothing she could do to change it.

~O~O~

Caroline woke up to Merenil gently touching her shoulder. "Whuu? What time is it? I dun wanna go to school." She rolled over to her stomach, nestling farther under the blankets.

"Not school, Caroline. We have to leave for Mirkwood."

"Mirkwuu? But that's jus a- oh," Caroline's eyes opened and she pushed herself up to her elbows. "Right. Mirkwood."

"Yes. Get up, get out of bed, don't make me hurt you," Meredil responded cheerfully.

"Well, someone's in a wonderful mood this morning," Caroline said dryly, rolling out of bed.

"I just ran into Feredir who was looking less than pleased. I'm not much looking forward to a day of you too bickering like children."

"I am a child."

"You're fourteen. That hardly counts."

"Shush. Where are my clothes?" Merenil threw the tunic and leggings at Caroline's head who proceeded to shoo her out of the room.

A minute or two later, Caroline emerged, still looking half asleep, her bag slung over her shoulder and her hair a mess. Merenil pursed her lips and reached out, deftly separating it and braiding it. Caroline put up with it, a slight pout on her face. "Are you done yet?"

"Yes. You look half-dead, but that's okay. Come on now. We want to get going as quickly as possible. Elrond, Erestor, Gandalf, and Glorfindel are all waiting to see us off."

"Oh, lovely!" Caroline chirped, perking up. "I haven't seen Glorfy in the past few days!"

"Yes, well, you won't be seeing him for the next few months, will you?" Merenil pointed out, leading the way down the hallway. Behind her, Caroline sulked at the thought of not having any gorgeous elves to ogle for a long time. Then again, when she got home she wouldn't either. That was what the internet was for, though, wasn't it.

~O~O~

The early morning air was distinctly chilly, as Caroline and Merenil emerged to where the Feredir and Lindir were waiting with the horses. As Merenil had said, Elrond, Erestor, Gandalf, and Glorfindel were all waiting to see her off. What Caroline had not expected was Boromir's presence. She looked at him sadly, relieved that she had cried last night, rather than breaking down here in front of everyone.

Solemnly, the elves wished the travelers luck on their journey, and Gandalf walked over to Caroline. "Be careful," he told her quietly. "If you do not do things properly you could easily make things worse rather than better. Do what feels natural, and whatever you do, do not use your abilities as a Sue. It will only serve to make things worse." Caroline nodded, seriously, before attempting to mount her horse. It took her a couple of tries before she made it onto her saddle. There were two saddle bags that she was sure she had not packed, but she made no comment.

"Try not to murder Feredir," Glorfindel said as he came over to Caroline. "Here, pull back on the reins a bit to keep her in place," he advised her. "Nudge her with your heels to move forward. She's a good horse and should treat you well."

"Thank you, Glorfindel," Caroline said, warmly.

"Good luck getting home, Caroline," he said as he left, Caroline smiling behind him.

Boromir came over last, smiling slightly, and petting the nose of Caroline's horse that she had privately named Nell. Where she got the idea, she had no idea; it just seemed to fit the black mare. "I'll see you in Gondor, I suppose," he said, smiling kindly.

She nodded stiffly, smiling tightly back. "Why did you get up so early just do see me off? Got some romantic intentions after all?" she joked, half-heartedly.

Boromir laughed a little. "No, no, not at all," he responded, good-naturedly. "I just thought it might be easier for you to leave if you knew you had something familiar waiting for you."

Caroline kept the smile on her face through a feat of pure willpower. _Really, Boromir,_ she silently seethed, _You aren't making this easy for me!_ Aloud she said, "Thank you, that was kind of you. Really, I'm not that important and you should probably stop thinking about me all together. It would make it easier for everyone. I don't even get why you like me. I'm just a random girl who got thrown into a world she doesn't understand."

Boromir raised an eyebrow, having heard this speech before. "If you must know," he responded, and Caroline looked at him curiously, this being the first time he gave a proper answer, "It's nice having some human company. The elves are nice, of course," he whispered conspiratorially, "but they aren't the same, as are the hobbits. And then, Aragorn is gone, though he seems more elf than man himself."

Caroline smiled at that, though again it was just short of real. "The feeling is mutual," she paused, as if deciding whether to continue. "Goodbye, Boromir, Son of Denethor," she said slowly. "I shall miss you." Without another word she nudged her horse a little to get it to move up beside Merenil. "Let's go now," Caroline said softly, and Merenil nodded.

~O~O~

Caroline rode in silence, brooding over her last exchange with Boromir. She barely even glanced up as Feredir began idly tossing leaves at her hair from behind her.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, "Wake up too early for your delicate other-world sensibilities?"

Caroline turned to glare at him, but said nothing.

"Oh, I know!" Feredir said, grinning madly. "It's that you didn't want to leave Boromir behind, is that it? You didn't want to leave you noble little lover?"

Caroline gritted her teeth and turned around again, a fake smile plastered on her face. "Yes, Feredir," she said sarcastically, "that's exactly it. You got me. I am madly in love with Boromir and I just can't stand the thought of leaving him as I go on this stupid, pointless quest to save the world and get myself home. That's exactly what I'm upset about."

"I'm just saying, it seems like you got upset only after Boromir came and talked to you. It's the logical conclusion."

"Shut up, Feredir."

"Don't tell me to shut up!"

"Feredir."

"What?"

"Do you remember when you told me that your friends were good men that didn't deserve to die?"

Feredir hesitated before answering. "Yes."

"So is Boromir."

"What do you mean?" Feredir asked, quietly, suddenly regretting his jab at Caroline.

"One hundred and two."

"What in Arda does that mean?"

"I did the math last night. Boromir has exactly one hundred and two days before he is shot by Uruk-hai on the bank of the Anduin while trying to protect Merry and Pippin. So yes, I am upset about leaving Boromir, but for nothing so petty as his being my boyfriend." Caroline fell silent again, and it descended like a blanket on the rest of the party as they rode onwards toward Mirkwood.


	15. FAQ

_Hello, loves. I know it's been awhile, but it's less than it could be, so that's something right? Anyway... AS A PEACE OFFERING I GIVE A NEARLY 3000 WORD CHAPTER!_

_I'm the only one to reread this in advance (looking for mistakes that is. My friend Danielle - the one who wrote the brain breakingly bad chapter? - got a sneak preview._

_I apologize about the war talk. War's been on my mind as of late thanks to the things I'm doing in school (in my Modern Global Analysis class we just finished the Gulf War and did 9/11 today and in English we have to write a paper on War Poetry)._

_Now I just have to think of a title._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14: FAQ<strong>

The party stayed silent for the next hour or so, at which point Feredir became frustrated with the way Caroline was riding. "Have you even ever been up on a horse before? You're like a sack of potatoes."

"No, I have not. Also, po-ta-toes! Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!"

"What?"

"Er… nothing. Never mind. Unimportant. But no, I have not been on a horse before. They aren't exactly commonplace where I come from."

Feredir looked confused. "How do you travel long distances then?"

Caroline made a face, "I'm pretty sure that I explained this to Lindir already. We have automobiles, also called cars. They go by themselves and a lot faster than a horse. Don't ask me to explain how, they just do."

"But I thought you said you had no magic in your world."

"Well, apparently we do as I managed to end up here. Of course, this could still all be a coma dream… Anyway, no, we don't have magic. Normally, at least. We do have this thing called fossil fuel which is basically this stuff that we burn that turns some things or something to make the car go."

Feredir snorted. "Thank you for being specific."

Caroline grinned cheekily, "No problem. I am just brimming with technical knowledge."

"Mm. I see. So could you explain to me the way a car works in more detail? And do you still use ships to cross the sea?"

"Well, sometimes we do, but we also have airplanes, or aeroplanes as the Brits say, which I think you technically are, or something. Anyway. They fly."

"You have flying machines?"

"Mmhm. Didn't you have them back in the Silmarillion or something?"

Merenil and Lindir watched Caroline and Feredir talk, amazed that for once the two of them weren't bickering. Lindir was wondering if Feredir had gained some respect for Caroline after seeing that she considered this whole thing more than a game. Merenil was smiling because it was plain to her what Feredir was doing. By no means did he definitely like Caroline any more than he previously did. He probably continued to find her one of the most annoying people he had ever met. However, he was a fundamentally good person, despite what Caroline would say, and didn't like to see her so upset. He'd found a way to take her mind off of Boromir's fate and surprisingly it seemed to be working.

Merenil spurred her horse onward, hoping to make it as far as they possibly could by nightfall.

~O~O~

When they made camp that night the Misty Mountains were in plain view, but they dared not attempt them at night. Feredir grumbled somewhat about that, saying that they would make better time if Caroline was a better rider. Merenil pointed out that Caroline was the whole reason for the quest and reluctantly Feredir shut up.

After a dinner of rabbit and a little lembas, Merenil and Lindir wandered off to do whatever they did in their spare time. Caroline highly doubted it was anything more than talking, having done enough research for fics to know a little about elvish sexuality. Still, in this screwed up version of Middle-earth, one really never knew.

Which brought to mind another question she'd had for a while. Absent-mindedly, she picked up some dead leaves and began picking them apart and tossing them in Feredir's direction. He sat on the opposite side of the small fire and most of them missed their mark, burning up instead. Unsatisfied with his lack of attention, Caroline resorted to picking up some stray pebbles and nuts and throwing them instead.

"Feredir," nut.

"Feredir," pebble.

"Feredir," clod of dirt.

"Feredir," beetle.

"Feredir," nut.

"Fery."

"Fery."

"Fery."

"What, Caroline?" Feredir asked, looking up irritably.

"I have a question," she replied, a look of utmost innocence on her face.

Feredir sighed. "Of course you do."

"No, I'm serious. It's a question I've had for a while."

Feredir looked hesitant still, definitely not trusting her. "What's your question?"

"Weeeell…" Caroline said, drawing out the word and trying to continue looking innocent. A mischievous grin tugged at her lips though, and Feredir narrowed his eyes. "I've done a lot of research for my stories, right? But I've never been able to find an answer to this question and it's been bothering me."

Feredir's eyes were little more than slits now, his suspicions all but confirmed. This was something stupid. "Spit it out, Caroline."

Caroline shrugged, apparently deciding to go for it. "How the hell do Ents reproduce?"

If Feredir had known what it was, Caroline was pretty sure he would have facepalmed. "Why would you ever need to know that? Besides, Ents are just a memory from a time long gone."

"No they aren't."

"Really now? Is that so? Because I have never met an Ent, nor have I ever heard of someone who _has_ met an Ent." He appeared to think that that settled the matter because he leaned back against the tree he had claimed and closed his eyes.

"I have."

"You have what?"

"Heard of someone who met an Ent, stupid. Well, technically they haven't met any Ents yet. But they will. You might too, if I can convince Merenil to let us go through Fangorn on our way to Rohan."

Feredir continued to look skeptical. "Caroline, no one has seen Ents for thousands of years. I doubt Elrond has ever even seen one."

"Yeah, well, no one in the Shire has ever seen the Rohirrim, have they? Doesn't mean they don't exist."

"How is that even relevant?"

"It's completely relevant!"

Feredir sighed and leaned forward so that his elbows were on his knees. "Caroline, the difference is that some people have seen the Rohirrim, if not everyone. No one has seen an Ent."

"Gandalf has."

"Gandalf is a wizard. For all I know he saw an Ent before the war with Morgoth."

Caroline shook her head petulantly. "Uh-uh. Gandalf came to Middle-earth after that."

Feredir sighed, seeing that denying the existence of Ents was getting him nowhere. "All right. Fine. Saying Ents do exist, which I still doubt, why would you ever want to know how they reproduce?"

Caroline shrugged, "Curiosity? Hey, maybe the Ent's were just _that_ bad at it that that's the real reason the Entwive's up and left. Or maybe it took the Ents _so _long…" Caroline snickered, clearly having little maturity.

Feredir's expression was one of disgust. "Why would you want to think about that, Caroline? That's just disturbing."

"I mean, I suppose they could pollinate or something, like normal trees," Caroline continued, oblivious to Feredir now, "but Treebeard specifically said that the reason there were no more young Ents or Entlings or whatever it was because they had no more Entwives. I mean I suppose the Ents could produce only male reproductive flower parts and the Entwives only female parts, but still that doesn't seem to work quite right, don't you think?"

"I have no idea what you are even talking about, Caroline."

"Well, like, a flower has two types of parts. There male parts are the stamen and the female part is the pistil and then pollen from the anthers, which are the tips of the stamen, rub onto the pistil which fertilizes it. Then-"

"How do you even know that?"

"We were learning it in Biology when I got pulled in."

Feredir fell silent, as did Caroline. She watched the flames. "You said there was war in your world too, back when we first met," Feredir said suddenly.

Caroline nodded slowly, glancing up at him.

"You said it was worse than the war here."

"Much."

"But you also said it doesn't affect you personally."

"No, not really."

"How can that be? How can a war not affect you? Is it not your home at war?"

Caroline shook her head, "No, it is. But the war is far away. It's been there for a very long time too, so it's one of those things that gets pushed to the side and is never really your first concern. I mean, there are the collections for the troops at holidays and stuff, but that's about it."

"How did it start?"

Caroline gave a derisive laugh, "Stupid politics and false information? Well, that's not quite true. It's very complicated."

"Simplify it?"

"My country was already scared because of an attack that had happened and had killed a lot of people. We'd already invaded one country in the area looking for the people responsible. Then, intelligence that turned out to be false said that another country in the area possessed weapons of mass destruction. We went to war, tore down a dictator, shit happened and we ended up there for much longer than we were supposed to be. That happens a lot with wars, actually, that last part I mean."

"How many wars has your country been involved in?"

"Too many. Far, far too many." Caroline paused, "But if I had to number them, at least ten, probably more I'm forgetting. And we've only been around for a little over 200 years. Also, most of them were with different enemies."

Feredir looked at her in shock. "So much fighting… At least we've been fighting only one enemy for so long."

Caroline laughed ironically, "And your enemy is actually evil. Ours are just other men. Tolkien fought in one of those wars, actually, though he wasn't from my country."

Feredir looked confused, "Tolkien?"

Caroline looked at him, surprised, "You don't know who Tolkien is? Oh, I guess I never mentioned that… J.R.R. Tolkien is the name of the man that wrote the books. You know, the ones that tell of all this. He fought in World War One. Actually he based a lot of things on things from the war. The dead marshes, for example, are based on things he saw in No Man's land."

"You've completely lost me," Feredir said.

"Okay, look…" Suddenly, Caroline found herself drawn into explaining World War One. It was late before either Feredir or Caroline went to sleep that night, Caroline nearly passing out and Feredir throwing a blanket over her before going to bed himself. Merenil, watching from behind a tree was glad to see they could hold a civil conversation when they found common ground. She only wished that she could be certain that the tentative friendship the two had begun to form would last.

~O~O~

Caroline rolled over with a groan as someone nudged her with their foot. "It wasn me…" she muttered. "I didn steal the badger…"

Merenil arched a delicate eyebrow in confusion. "Dare I even ask for context?"

Caroline blinked blearily and propped herself up on her elbows. "Prolly not. I had a horde of angry Hufflepuffs chasing me, not that that means anything to you," she answered, her words still slurred from sleep.

Feredir looked over, "What the hell is a Hufflepuff?"

"Exactly," Caroline answered as she stood up and cracked her back.

"It sounds like some sort of furry animal," Lindir commented, as he handed Caroline some lembas which she accepted gratefully.

"It's a different book series. Forget I said anything," Caroline answered, munching happily.

"It's really annoying when you do that, you know," Merenil commented, beginning to pack up the camp along with Lindir and Feredir. Caroline did little to help, still preoccupied with eating.

"You could do something," Feredir snapped, as Caroline gave a particularly condescending look to the three other travelers.

"Yes, well, I could, but come Mirkwood I'm going to be exhausting myself turning people back. Imagine if you had to carry me around," Caroline replied smugly, badly faking a distraught tone. "I am simply preserving my strength!"

"Mmhm, that's bullshit. Gather your things, Caroline, or we're leaving them behind," Feredir said.

Caroline pouted before reluctantly beginning to pack her things. "This isn't my blanket…" she said, as she held it out in front of her. It was brown and coarse and she was sure that the one she had packed was green and much softer.

Feredir glanced over, "Oh that's mine. Give it here."

Caroline's eyebrows pulled together in confusion, "Why was I sleeping under it?"

"Because it was on hand and you looked cold."

Caroline grinned maniacally. "Ah hah! Now I see why you were so interested in me and Boromir yesterday!"

Merenil glanced between the two while Lindir began, "Oh, you two. Don't start this again."

"But isn't it obvious, Lindir?" Caroline asked, struggling to keep a straight face.

Merenil gave Caroline a disapproving glare, "Caroline…"

"Clearly," Caroline continued gleefully, turning back to Feredir, "You are the one with a crush on me! You were jealous!"

Feredir stared for a moment and then began laughing hysterically. "You think, you think that I could possibly have a crush on _you_?" He began laughing again, harder if that was possible.

Caroline drew herself up, indignant. "What do you mean by that?"

Feredir attempted to straighten up, "I just mean," he gave another snort of laughter, "that the idea is so utterly ridiculous. I would never even consider that."

Merenil attempted to say something but Caroline cut her off. "What you mean I'm not attractive?" Caroline glared at Feredir.

"I never said that! I just mean you aren't from here and you barely know anything."

"I know plenty, and certainly more than you in some cases!"

"You're an ignorant child who thinks they understand things because they read it in a book!" Feredir answered, exasperated. "You said it yourself last night; war has never even touched you!"

"And that makes me ignorant?" Caroline demanded, glaring at Feredir in disgust.

"Well, yes! I mean, well," Feredir attempted to backtrack, seeing the anger in Caroline's face.

"You mean that you don't think I know anything. Well, you know what? I know how everything here comes out. I know who suffers and how they suffer. I know who is changed so irreparably that they are never the same again. I know who will lose friends and who will gain them and I know that it's up to me to let everything be as it should. I know who dies. And then I have to look around at these people who I care for, even though some of them never talked to me, like I never had a conversation with Gimli and god knows the issue with Legolas, and I have to know this. So don't tell me I don't know anything." Caroline huffed angrily and stuffed the remainder of her things back in her bag.

"Everyone calm down!" Lindir tried, to no avail.

Feredir snatched the blanket from her, "Oh, but it is all just a story, isn't it? You wouldn't dream of doing anything to _stop_ those terrible things because it would ruin your precious, beautiful book!"

"Yes!" Caroline shouted, frustrated that he couldn't see. "I can't change anything! Don't you see? I could do more harm than good. You haven't read the books, you can't see as plainly as I can how everything leads to another. Every bit of the story is as important as another!"

"You say that, but you don't know for sure! You could at least try! You don't even care!"

"How dare you say that?" Caroline demanded, before launching herself onto him. She took him by surprise and tackled him to the ground before he had time to react. She began to hit him, but within seconds he had pinned her down while she struggled helplessly. Glaring at him fiercely, she twisted wildly and managed to bite his wrist.

"You bit me!" Feredir yelled, jumping back. He turned to Merenil and Lindir helplessly, "She bit me!"

Caroline stood up, brushing the hair off her face and attempting to look smug. This was somewhat hindered by the fact that she was a bit short of breath. "Yes, you son of a bitch. I did bite you."

Feredir turned and glared. "Don't talk about my mother like that."

Caroline stuck her tongue out and him and huffed, turning away.

"You know nothing of our world, you never will, no matter how many books you read," Feredir spat. He watched in satisfaction as he saw Caroline's shoulders slump imperceptibly as she walked toward the horses.

Merenil glared at Feredir. "You really didn't have to go that far, did you?"

Feredir sniffed, "And why shouldn't I? It's true!"

Lindir spoke up, "She's turned more people back than she cares to think about, and will have to do more than that soon. She obviously cares to some extent."

Feredir raised an eyebrow. "She does it to get home!"

Merenil gave a short laugh and began walking over to Caroline to help her saddle the horse. "She never told you how she changed Sam back, did she?" she called back over her shoulder.

~O~O~

Four or five hours later Caroline found that riding all day had left her seriously sore and that today was only making things worse. Also, they did not appear to be climbing much at all; in fact, they seemed to be descending. She grew suspicious and a little bit worried, unsure whether to hope her suspicions were true or not.

Half an hour later, Merenil confirmed them. "There it is, not too far away now. Mirkwood: home of the wood elves, and, more importantly, Thranduil."

Caroline pulled Nell to a stop and eyed the forest suspiciously. "How did we get over the mountains so quickly?" she asked.

"What are you talking about Caroline? This is the normal time such a journey would take," Merenil responded. Feredir was stubbornly refusing to talk to Caroline.

Caroline turned and looked at Merenil, suddenly very serious. "Merenil, where the hell _were_ the mountains?"


End file.
